Welcome back and thanks for joining us for this ongoing discussion on how to salvage your marriage after one spouse is unfaithful. In our previous article we talked about being honest with yourself about why you wanted to save your marriage. (Deciding your marriage is worth saving, and that you want to save it are two different things!) Assuming you’ve figured out where you stand, and you’ve decided to salvage your relationship, let’s take a look at the next step – the importance of being honest with each other!
If your relationship is going to survive, you have to be honest with each other
The first thing you and your spouse need to do is make a commitment to honesty. Sounds obvious? Probably. But this is actually a critical part of your healing process. Think about it: If you can’t be honest, both with yourself and with your spouse, why bother to begin with?
Honesty is one of the most important foundation stones in the rebuilding process. An affair is a form of deceit, and because it is dishonest, it destroys all of the trust that existed within the marriage. So if you and your spouse are hoping to rebuild that marriage, honesty is one of the most important aspects of the healing process, and a necessary step towards rebuilding trust.
Trust takes a long time to build after an affair
If you cheated on your partner, you need to know that it’s going to be a long time before they fully trust you again. The only way to regain their trust is to be completely honest in all of your dealings with them. How do you do that? By being willing to prove, again and again, that you’re being honest.
Claims of honesty are meaningless – after all, you probably claimed to be faithful at some point during the affair, so at this stage in the game, words do not hold the same power they once did. By making a commitment to be honest, you’re committing to talk to your spouse when they’re struggling with doubt, anger or suspicions. Not because you enjoy this topic of conversation, but because you both need to develop a ‘culture of transparency’ moving forward.
A commitment to honesty means having uncomfortable conversations
It also means telling your spouse things that you would maybe prefer not to talk about, or are more comfortable keeping to yourself. But at this point, secrecy is a deadly poison to your marriage. Even the slightest implication that you’re hiding things or keeping secrets will likely result in a total undoing of all your prior efforts at restoration.
We’re not suggesting that you bare your soul in a way that causes you pain. We just mean that your spouse deserves to know what’s going on in your heart and mind during this process. If you are having difficulty sharing your feelings or talking about your emotions, consider getting some help from a therapist or counselor who can help you to develop some communication skills.
Saving a marriage after an affair is hard work!
On good days and bad, during happy times and times when the doubts and suspicions are all but drowning you, a promise to be honest will help keep you on the road to recovery. However, remember that saving a relationship after an affair is extremely hard work – for some couples, it’s simply too much.
If that sound like your situation, and you don’t believe you can recover from the deceit, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our skilled family law attorneys have helped countless couples navigate their divorces over the years. We understand how emotional this situation can be, and we’re committed to providing our clients with the best and most aggressive representation available in Michigan!