So you and your spouse are working it out. You’ve committed to being transparent in all of your dealings, honest about everything, and never to throw the past in each others faces during an argument. That’s awesome – it’s a great start! But there’s still more we need to cover if you’re hoping to avoid divorce court in the wake of the affair.
Welcome back and thanks for joining us. If you’re just finding this series now, we suggest you spend a few minutes getting caught up, but for those of you who’ve been with us from the start, let’s head right into the next aspect of recovery after infidelity – getting counseling.
Counseling offers a great way to work through difficult emotions.
Some people struggle with this one because it requires spending money, and scheduling something extra into their already busy lives. In addition, the partner who didn’t cheat sometimes feels that they shouldn’t have to go to therapy – after all, they weren’t the one who stepped out on their spouse! But there are many benefits to counseling that help the entire marriage, some of which you can’t get anywhere else, namely:
A Safe Place:
Your therapist will NEVER gossip to your friends about what you said in session, or pass along to your mom a few well-meaning but misplaced tips about what you could do better next time. A therapy session is a safe place – you can air your grievances, shout, cry, vent all your emotions and know that not a word of it will ever pass the door. This makes being vulnerable much easier and less risky, which is helpful for the healing process.
A couples therapist will address each person’s concerns and fears and hopes for the future. Both you and your spouse will have a chance to talk about what you’re feeling and thinking, but without getting bogged down in semantics and circular arguments. Your therapist will guide the conversation so that there’s fair acknowledgment of both sides.
Sometimes people have a hard time talking about their feelings. Sometimes they don’t know what words would best describe what’s in their heart, or how to broach a touchy subject. A good therapist will ask leading questions and prompt you to think about and discuss things that you may be avoiding without even realizing it.
Sometimes it’s hard to see the forest for the trees. People often miss glaring inconsistencies in their own ideas, or overlook obvious signs in their everyday life because their perspective is too narrow or too focused on something else. Sometimes they’re simply too close to the picture to see it properly. A marriage counselor can help you to see things differently and gain a healthy perspective in your relationship.
Hope For The Future:
It is common for couples whose marriage has suffered a tragedy, to want to fix the problem but have no idea where to start. It can be overwhelming, having something so broken in hand and yet not having any idea how to go about fixing it. Many people give up before they even begin. Therapy can provide new resources, teach healthy methods of communication, and explore better ways to foster intimacy that can breathe fresh life into your relationship.
Saving a marriage after an affair is hard, but it can be done!
Join us next time for a segment on reviving romance. Until then, if you or a loved one have decided your marriage can’t be saved, or the process is too painful for you to bear, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our skilled family lawyers can help you navigate every aspect of your divorce.