The idea that you could get marriage help from your divorce attorney may seem strange, but in truth, there is no better place. After all, we have talked to thousands of couples over the years whose marriages have failed, and we have noticed certain common themes along the way.
For example, couples whose relationships are on rocks usually don’t talk to one another, which would lead one to believe that communication is important to staying together. In that light, we have put together a list of the things that we think are most important to couples hoping to avoid becoming just one more divorce statistic.
Make Time For Each Other
In today’s busy world, especially for couples with kids, spending time together can be hard to do. But relationship experts say that if you make a habit of carving out regular times to be together – when you put aside your work and social commitments, and make sure that the kids are either asleep or with a babysitter – your relationship will be stronger. Also, you are more likely to survive the troubles that life throws at you.
Date night doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive. It can be popcorn and a movie on the couch, or a long walk together with the dog. What’s important is that your focus be on each other. Listen to each other. Talk to each other. Be together.
Focus On Shared Interests
While everyone has different interests, and many couples find that they don’t enjoy many of the same things, it is important to have at least one or two things that you enjoy doing together. These opportunities help you build positive memories together and find pleasure while being in each other’s company.
If you don’t currently have something that you like doing together, try setting aside some time to experiment and try new things. Take a salsa dancing class. Go for a hike in the woods. Volunteer at a local animal shelter, or try your hand at kayaking. Even something as simple as trying to cook a new recipe together at home could help you find a shared interest. It may take a while, and lots of failed experiments, but you will eventually discover something that both enjoy.
Speak Kindly To Each Other
Regardless of how angry you may be at your spouse in the moment, never publicly disparage or humiliate them. Shaming someone, even if you think they deserve to feel bad for something they’ve said or done, has almost exclusively negative consequences. In addition, the shame itself will often linger in their mind long after the events that preceded it have been forgotten.
Couples who commit to speak only words of encouragement and respect to each other in public settings actually have a better chance of marital survival. This is not to say that you should be two-faced, or have a “public persona” and a “private persona” within your marriage, it simply means – don’t humiliate your spouse in public.
Join us next time as we look at the last three items on our list. And remember, if your marriage is floundering and we want to talk to an experienced attorney about a divorce, we are here for you. There is no shame is realizing that your marriage isn’t working and you need to move on. So if you have questions about the divorce process, or need help preparing to end your marriage, come in and talk to one of our skilled family law attorneys. We are here for you.