In the first article in this two part series on avoiding divorce in your second marriage, we looked at the first three items on our list. Don’t remember them? Here’s a quick refresher: In order to avoid becoming another divorce statistic you and your spouse should 1) Make time to be together, 2) Focus on shared interests, and 3) Speak kindly and respectfully to each other. If you would like to read the first article you can find it here.
Wrapping this up, we are going to look at the last three items on our list While there are a host of things people could do before tying the knot to increase their chances of marital survival, the reality is that many people don’t think to address these issues before they say “I do”. As a result, the aftermath can come with a great many bumps. Here’s how to smooth the way…
Honor The Need For Space
Although we discussed in the previous article the importance of time spent together, equally important is the opposite issue: time spent apart. Couples who don’t set aside time to pursue individual interests and pleasures, often struggle with feeling like their own needs aren’t being met.
Not everyone likes the same things, and spouses need to respect each other’s need for personal pursuits. So whether it’s movies, fishing, gardening, running or even travel, set aside time to do the things you love, either alone or with platonic friends. Additionally, be sure to allow your spouse the time and freedom to do the same.
Do Unto Others…
Although this “old fashioned” phrase may sound like something that went out of style with whalebone corsets and coat tails, it is a piece of wisdom that has stood the test of time. But don’t misunderstand. This isn’t literal advise so much as a reminder that kindness and respect go both ways.
So if you want to be treated the right way, you need to be willing to do the same, and sometimes do it first. Waiting around for the other person to make the first overtures of “niceness” is an exercise in futility; you will both wait forever. But those who treat their partners with respect and kindness, more often than not find their gestures returned.
Allow Them Freedom To Fail
This may sound strange, but it’s actually some of the best advice we’ve ever received for thriving in marriage, and so we’d like to pass it on. People are people. They are flawed and faulted. They make mistakes and screw up. Sometimes, even the nicest people are thoughtless, or selfish. Expecting otherwise will only set you up for failure.
So don’t have unrealistic expectations of your spouse. By recognising that your partner is just a person, not a perfect storybook character without flaws, you allow them the space to make mistakes, and learn from them in a loving and forgiving environment. No one is perfect, and expecting perfection puts a huge burden on that person, and sets you up for disappointment. By freeing your spouse from unrealistic expectations, you free them to be themselves, and greatly reduce your future chances of heartbreak.
We hope this has been helpful to you and that you and your spouse can use this information to avoid a messy and heartbreaking divorce in the future. But if not, we are always here for you. The experienced family law attorneys at the Kronzek Firm have years of experience handling divorces all over mid-Michigan. We can provide you with the guidance, protection and planning assistance that you need to work through your divorce toward the best possible outcome.