Wait , what? Fight the good fight? Yes, that’s right – the good fight. And by that we don’t mean do more charity work or spread random acts of kindness (although those are always a good idea!) What we’re talking about is literally “good” fighting – fighting in a way that resolves conflict, strengthens your relationship, and helps you understand your partner. Because a bad fight can (seriously) damage your relationship!
So how does one fight the “good” fight? Simple – by putting rules in place that you both adhere to when you’re having an argument. Fighting rules, you say? What the heck are fighting rules, and how are we both supposed to stick to them when we’re mad? Well, making the rules isn’t too hard (we’ll help you with that part!) However sticking to them in the middle of an argument can be hard, but you can (and should) do it, if you want to avoid landing in divorce court!
What are fighting rules, and how do they help?
Okay, let’s take a look. In essence, your “fighting rules” are a list of things that you and your spouse should, and shouldn’t, do during an argument. Things like calling each other mean names and dragging up the past. (We didn’t put physical violence on the list because we think not assaulting your spouse should be a no-brainer!) Instead we’re talking about things that can cause deep emotional hurts that last for a long time. Even after the argument has been resolved.
Curious? You should be. So we made a list for you guys. You and your spouse should sit down together and look over this, and talk about what rules would work best for you. But DON’T try to have this talk while you’re in the middle of an argument! Save it for when you’re both in a good mood, and can both be rational about your communication styles, and negative tendencies. Here goes… (Remember these are guidelines – you need to figure out what works best for you!)
Sticks and stones can break my bones…
“But words can never hurt me!” Or so says the old rhyme. But it’s not true. Words can hurt, especially when they come from someone you love! When people argue, they tend to get caught up in the heat of the moment and say mean things. Calling their spouse all kinds of horrible names. But the fact is, you can’t take back something you’ve already said, and apologizing for it doesn’t fix the damage.
Calling your spouse mean names – like moron or idiot (or worse!) – hurts them far beyond the confines of the argument. Long after the fight is over, they’ll remember what you said. So watch your mouth during a fight! Also, stay away from derogatory or demeaning descriptions, like useless, or stupid. They don’t help and they’re unkind. So take a moment to think about what you say before you say it.
Do you need help from a Michigan divorce attorney?
Yes, that was only one item, so it hardly seems fair to call it a “list”, but there’s more, we promise! Lots more. So come back and join us next time for a break down of several items that you and your spouse should avoid during fights. Also, if you or a loved one are considering divorce and need help making informed choices for your future, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our highly skilled family law attorneys are here to help with every aspect of the process.