If you’re involved in a messy divorce, and your about-to-be-ex is working hard to poison your kids against you, then you already know you’re a victim of parental alienation. It’s a terrible feeling, watching your children slip away emotionally, their little hearts slowly hardening against you. We can’t imagine a more devastating experience for a loving parent, than to lose their child’s love. But what’s important to remember during this difficult time, is that your approach to this situation needs to be careful and thoughtful and planned.
You can’t allow yourself to react emotionally without thinking it through, no matter how hard it may get. That’s because the sort of reactions we tend to have in these situations usually make things worse, not better. So here’s a list of things we recommend you DON’T do in this situation. It may sound counter-intuitive, but trust us – these things usually end up sabotaging your best efforts to reconnect with your kids.
If you’re being alienated from your kids, DON’T do this:
- DON’T personalize their reaction!
Unless you really are a brutally harsh parent, or have a history of abuse, your kids probably really love you! But children are easily manipulated, and during a divorce, when kids are experiencing a lot of grief, loss and pain, they’re vulnerable and their emotions can be twisted and directed by a toxic parent without them even realizing what’s happening. Your spouse is using your children as tools to hurt you.
This is about your ex and their anger towards you, which they’re translating into poisonous parenting techniques. This isn’t about how your kids really feel about you. So remember that – your kids are being manipulated and lied to. What’s happening right now has nothing to do with your children’s love for you, or your worthiness as a parent. So don’t take it personally.
- DON’T get angry at your kids for your ex’s crimes!
It can be very easy to get mad at your kids when they shut you out, or act up during your parenting time. It’s a natural human reaction to feeling unfairly targeted, which is exactly what this is going to feel like. After all, you did nothing to deserve this terrible, abusive treatment (Because that’s exactly what being alienated from your kids is – a type of abuse!) But remind yourself – this is not your kid’s fault, it’s the work of your toxic ex.
Your kids are victims in this situation too. So just keep loving them and being patient with them. There are ways to solve this without punishing them (which will only reinforce the lies they’re being told about you by their other parent). So be very careful to keep your anger and pain in check. See a therapist. Talk to a trusted friend. Do whatever it takes to ensure that you don’t lash out at your kids. All that does is drive home the point your ex is making in painting you to look like an untrustworthy and unsafe parent.
Make sure you get the right help in combating parental alienation!
You are going to need a lot of help in dealing with the tragedy of being alienated from your children. Chances are you’ll need to seek out some kind of professional to help you manage the emotional fall out that results from being alienated from your kids. But dealing with the emotional and psychological impact is only part of the solution. You’re going to need help from an experienced divorce attorney who understands exactly what you’re up against, and how to fight against it.
Here at The Kronzek Firm, our skilled and experienced family law attorneys have handled countless divorces where one of the parents works hard to poison the kids against their other parent. It’s tragic and heartbreaking, but we know how to handle it. We understand what you’re dealing with, and we can help. If your divorce is looking like it’s going to be high conflict, or you think your ex is trying to alienate your children against you, call 866 766 5245 right now.