How to Compromise in Your Post-Divorce Co-Parenting (Pt 1)

Two people building a bridge from opposite sides of the river bank. There's only one space left and they're both holding a rock.
Figuring out how to work together with your ex so you can both be better parents is very important.

For most parents, the act of raising children is nothing but an endless string of compromises anyway. The majority of couples don’t agree on every aspect of parenting anyway, so they’re forced to compromise in some form or another. For some, this disparity in ideals about how children should be raised is a major sore point. For others, it’s nothing more than a minor and occasional source of exasperation. But for divorced couples, where there’s already a history of emotional baggage and a lot of unresolved anger and pain, parental compromise can feel like a war zone. And any time you give even the smallest concession, it feels like you’ve lost a battle. So how do you compromise without losing your mind?

Compromise is very important in a post-divorce parenting relationship

  • Recognize that both of you have a right to an opinion.

You may not like your ex. In fact, you may think they’re the most horrible person you’ve ever met in your entire life. But unless they’re actually abusive to your children, or the court believes that your children may be in danger as a result of their parenting choices, you’re stuck with them. So wasting time and energy being mad about it doesn’t help anything. The sooner you recognize that both you and your ex have the right to make parenting decisions for your kids, the better off you’ll be.

  • Be willing to meet in the middle on issues

There are going to be issues that you believe should be handled in a certain way, and your ex believes should be handled differently. While you can certainly try to explain to your ex why you think that (respectfully, of course!), they’re under no obligation to change their mind. In the same way, you don’t have to adopt their opinions if you don’t agree with them. But keep in mind that if you aren’t willing to give on a few issues, everything will end up being a fight. Suggest to your ex that you would be happy to bend on certain things if they’ll do the same. That way you both get what you want and you engage in fewer fights.

  • Keep your focus on the kids, not yourself

It can be easy, when you and your ex have lots of emotional baggage, to get caught up in your own drama and history. But ultimately, co-parenting is about what’s best for your children, not about what’s best for either of you. Obviously you have to take your own needs, schedules and abilities into account, but the focus should be on your children. Work on setting aside your own personal relationship with your ex, and instead make the co-parenting relationship the focus of your interactions. This will make compromise easier, as you won’t be as worried about your personal feelings of loss and gain.

Co-parenting properly takes a great deal of maturity 

There’s a lot of info out there on how to co-parent successfully when you and your ex don’t see eye-to-eye. But one of the greatest tools you have available to you in your post-divorce parenting tool kit is a good, experienced family law attorney. Whatever your personal situation, co-parenting is easier when you have a skilled and experienced family law attorney on your side. So call 866 766 5245 today and talk to a lawyer here at The Kronzek Firm. We’re available 24/7 to help you protect your children, and your parenting rights.

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