Compromise is important if you’re going to keep your kid’s best interests at heart
Welcome back and thanks for joining us again for this discussion on co-parenting, and how to compromise (which we know can be incredibly hard!). In the previous article we looked at our first three tips on how to achieve compromise when co-parenting with your ex. Wrapping it up, we’re going to discuss the last three. We know this is hard, so pat yourself on the back! You’re here, and you’re actively searching for ways to be a better parent. That counts for a lot in the grand scheme of things.
- Stay on topic when discussing kid-related issues
It can be really tempting to use discussions with your ex as opportunities to needle them about areas where they failed in the marriage. Especially when you see their parenting efforts as just another version of that same failure. But this is a really bad idea. You may have been able to walk away from the failed marriage relationship, but you’re stuck co-parenting with this person until your last child is a legal adult. So make an effort to keep your conversations on topic, and avoid discussing past problems. Focus on the future, and on your children. If you still have resentment left over from the marriage, discuss those issues with a loved one, or a therapist instead, in a safe environment, where they won’t affect your co-parenting relationship with your ex.
- Use neutral, inclusive language when talking to your ex
Talking to your ex about parenting subjects, especially ones where you think they’re not doing a good job, can be very difficult (just like any othe type of compromise). Most counselors will recommend that for these types of discussions, you should avoid any language that could be interpreted as an attack. Instead, use neutral and inclusive language. Avoid saying things like, “You always..” “You never…” and “You should have…” Once your ex feels like they’re being attacked, they’re likely to get defensive, and possibly hostile. Pick your words carefully and aim for more “we” than “you”. This will probably be better received by your ex than the alternative.
- Accept that you have no control over your ex’s parenting choices
In the end, you can only control what happens in your own home. Regardless of how frustrating it may be, you don’t have a say over when your ex let’s the kids go to bed, what they eat over there, or what kind of activities they engage in. You can only control what happens in your own home. So for your own emotional health, you need to work on letting go of that. You’re never going to be in charge of how your ex parents your kids when they’re with him or her, so focus on what you CAN control – your own parenting. Do what you believe is right when your kids are with you, love them as fiercely as you can, and then let go of what you can’t control when they’re not with you. You’ll be a lot happier in the end.
Parenting is hard. Co-parenting is even harder!
MIchigan is full of parents who want the best for their children, but can’t see eye-to-eye with their ex. Co-parenting is difficult, after all, and figuring out the details is so much easier when you have help from a highly respected family law attorney with decades of experience. Call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245 to talk to one of our skilled custody and divorce attorneys. We’re available 24/7 to help you work through custody, alimony, child support and other divorce-related issues. We resolve a very high percentage of our cases without ever going to trial. We can help you too.