Group photo from The Kronzek Firm

Is it Normal to Fall Out of Love With Your Spouse After Years of Marriage?

It certainly seems to be pretty normal in books and movies these days – people get married when they’re desperately in love and can’t imagine a future without one another. But over time that passion cools, and is replaced by the mundane trappings of daily life. Spouses wake up one day and realize that they’ve traded stolen kisses for a stack of monthly bills, and hand-holding at the dinner table for a honey-do list. The romance is dead, and no one knows how to revive it. But is that really how it happens in real life? Or is that just the Hollywood version of life that we’ve all come to accept as a reflection of reality?

A sepia-toned image of a couple standing together with their travelling gear, but not holding hands and looking in different directions.

How and why do some relationships fall apart over time?

Several studies on marriage show that people falling out of love with their partners over time is actually pretty common. (We’ve certainly seen enough evidence of it here among couples in the Lansing area, over the years!) So how does it happen? Well, there are many reasons why a relationship might lose that fire over time. According to several marriage counselors in East Lansing and Holt, it can happen because of stressors that the relationship isn’t equipped to handle, like serious financial problems, or major physical illnesses and mental health problems. Some problems start smaller, like communication issues and unrealistic expectations, and grow larger over time if they’re not addressed quickly. The wife in Okemos or the husband in Charlotte become distant and it goes south pretty quickly. 

Signs that you may be falling out of love with your partner:

  • You find that you rarely think of your partner with fondness or affection anymore when you’re apart.
  • You don’t seem to share the same goals in life anymore, and don’t talk excitedly about the future together like you once did.
  • Little things that never used to bother you are now becoming major irritants
  • You no longer find yourself going out of your way to please your partner, or “going the extra mile” to do things you know would make them happy.
  • You don’t find your partner attractive anymore, and don’t care if they find you attractive or not either.

What can you do to avoid your marriage disintegrating?

If you feel that your relationship is slowly losing it’s passion, or you find that your feelings for your spouse have cooled over time, you need to take stock of your feelings. Are you wanting to call it quits, or is this just a wake up call that your relationship needs some work and you need to prioritize your marriage before it’s too late? Only you can make that decision. But if you decide you want to save your relationship (which many couples in St. Johns, Williamston and Grand Ledge have already chosen to do), then now is the time to make some changes. Sign up for marital counseling, pick up a book on how to reinvigorate your romance, or even just plan a few date nights and start talking to your partner about how you feel. A little effort now can go a long way towards keeping you out of divorce court.

But what if it’s too late? What if your marriage isn’t worth saving?

Not every relationship can come back from the brink. Sometimes the damage is too great, and recovering the love just isn’t possible. If that’s the case, then often divorce is the only option. If that sounds like your situation, and you live in mid-Michigan, call The Kronzek Firm at 517 886 1000. Our highly experienced family law attorneys have been helping people from Clinton, Eaton and Ingham counties to work through their divorces successfully for decades. We are available to help you figure out whatever aspect of this process you may need help with – custody, alimony, asset separation and child support. We’ve successfully represented thousands of clients and we can help you too. 

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I'm currently in the middle of a custody case that has had some twists and turns, Josh Pease has done an outstanding job navigating the winding road and delivering positive results.

 

Chad on BirdEye, 2017

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