Thanks for joining us again for the wrap up of this three part series on the lies we believe about marriage. In the previous installment we looked at number 3 and 4 on our list of marital myths. Moving on, we’re going to wrap this up with the last two items on the agenda. Missed the first two articles? No problem. Start here and get caught up.
Love Unchanging
The belief is that true love is unchanging. However, there is a distinct difference between love that doesn’t change, and love that doesn’t fade away. The reality is that people change. Who you were when you got married is not who you are now, and probably not who you’re going to be in ten years time. As people age and mature and grow in character, they change. It’s a simple fact of life.
So when you marry someone, you are marrying who they are now, and who they will become in the future. As we change, so our love changes, and the ways in which we experience it and display it will change as well. This is perfectly normal, and should be celebrated, not feared.
The truth is that as you and your spouse grow older together, you will both experience life differently and express yourself in new ways. As a result, the love you feel for each other will change. There will be times when your feelings for each other may seem to cool or grow distant, and times when you will feel close and united in purpose.
If you embrace these changes as they happen, both in yourself and in each other, and accept that your feelings may naturally ebb and flow a little over time, your love for each other will deepen and grow and change in a positive way.
Spouses Complete Each Other
If you’re looking for that one special person who is going to complete you, you’re doomed to search forever. There is no one who will ever complete you. You are an individual, with your own opinions, experiences and unique perspectives. You cannot be “completed” by another person, and expecting that from your spouse puts a huge amount of pressure on them to perform a task that they just aren’t able to do.
You are a whole person, all by yourself, and so is your spouse. The areas of your life where you are struggling, or where you fall short, cannot be filled in by another person. It is not your spouse’s job to make up for what you lack, just as it is not your job to fill in the gaps in their character.
A spouse in a healthy relationship will support you, encourage you, and bolster your belief in yourself. They can love you and care for you, help you and provide advice and guidance to you, but they will never make you whole, so you should do them the kindness of not expecting the impossible. It only sets you up for disappointment and puts an enormous burden on them.
We hope this list of myths about marriage has helped to shed a new light on your relationship. Sometimes the truth about something is less glamorous and romantic than the truth, but at least the truth doesn’t set you up for failure. So good luck in your marriage, and we hope you and your spouse prosper together. If however, your marriage is beyond salvage, come and talk to our experienced family law attorneys. We can help you work through this difficult time towards a stronger, better future.