Love is blind, or so goes the old saying that explains away a host of poor choices in the relationship department. It seems like a silly saying, until you consider the current divorce rate. (And that one … or two… terrible relationships you managed to get out of in college. Phew!) But however you look at it, there’s a lot of truth to the fact that when you’re “in love”, and completely caught up in the misty-eyed “butterflies in your stomach” part of a relationship, you tend to overlook your partner’s weaknesses.
However, while it’s certainly a fact that if you’re going to be in a successful long term relationship with someone, you’re going to have to accept some degree of failure and imperfection on their part (obviously!), there is a limit here. Learning to live with a person’s obsessiveness when it comes to how to stack the dishwasher, or where dirty socks should optimally be thrown after pulling them off at the end of the day, is not the same thing as making peace with the bodies buried in your backyard.
So what do you do? Where do you draw the line? And how do you determine if the love of your life is a wonderful future partner with a few foibles you will have to accept, or a crazed homicidal maniac just waiting for you to fall asleep? Truth is, we can’t help you there. But as you can imagine, making the right choice now significantly reduces your chance of divorce later on down the line. So here’s a list of things to consider if you’re thinking about taking the plunge with your beloved:
No one’s family is perfect, so don’t be unrealistic. But are your beloved’s family generally pleasant and polite people who seem to care about one another, or are they….something else entirely? Obviously, no one can be held accountable for the way their family acts, but be aware that when you marry a person, you tend to get their family (and their family’s issues) thrown in as a bonus.
They say that alcohol removes inhibitions, so keep an eye on your sweetheart when they’ve had a few drinks. Are they perhaps a bit sappy, or a little silly? Or do you have a raving maniac on your hands who can’t stop screaming at people and making a complete fool of themselves? (Perhaps they can’t keep their hands to themselves either, which could prove difficult in the form of possible infidelity. Just saying.)
Frustration and stress will often show people’s true colors. Does your partner display a few decent coping skills in times of upheaval? Failing that, can they at least have a rational conversation about what’s going on during tough times? Or are you faced with someone who pulls out a shotgun and a shovel every time things aren’t going their way.
Work – People are often very different at work than the way they are in social settings. Your work demeanor can tell quite a bit about your character. Whether someone is fair, hard working and ethical in their business dealings, or manipulative, dishonest and petty can reveal a lot about them. So if you have a chance to check out your sweetheart in their business setting, or listen to the way to talk to (or about) their co-workers or employees, it should give you a clue.
We’ll wrap up the rest of our thinking points in the next segment, but until then, make sure to take off your love-soaked blindfold every now and again and take a quick peek at reality. After all, those butterflies won’t stick around forever. If however, it’s too late and you’re already tied to someone who’s turning out to be a whole lot less dreamy than you’d been led to believe, we’re here to help you pick up the pieces and move on. Call us at 866 766 5245. WE’re available 24/7 to help you deal with your situation (whatever that may be) and prepare for a better future.