Every marriage has it’s peaks and valleys. In fact, it’s considered perfectly normal for a couple to go through good times and bad times, happy times and sad times, fun times and ….well,…not so fun times. But just because you’re in a rough spot, doesn’t mean that all is lost. There is often hope for the future, if you are willing to invest in the now.
So here is a list of 7 common marriage problems, and some solutions that you can use to get past each one successfully without having to lose it all:
This is a big one. Many failed marriages have a lack of communication to blame for their demise. So if you and your spouse seem to have nothing to say to each other, or can’t have a single conversation that doesn’t devolve into a screaming match, then this one’s for you.
Have your people call my people, and we’ll do lunch:
Our lives are busy, there’s no denying it. However, in the same way that you set aside time to go to the gym, and time to get together with friends you rarely see, you need to set up time to be with your spouse. Sounds strange, but it’s true. If you don’t make a point of setting aside time to be with your partner, time together can easily be lost in the shuffle.
So schedule a weekly meeting, or date if that sounds nicer, and just be together. Talk about whatever comes to mind. It doesn’t have to be important issues, it just has to be communication. At first it may be feel odd and forced, but like anything, the more you do it, the better you’ll get at it.
The language of love:
There is more to communication that just talking. In fact, listening is probably more important, and sadly much harder skill to master. So make sure you have a few ground rules in place when you get together that will help you both stay focused on each other.
For example: no cell phones (that means no texting your friends, no checking Facebook and no playing games), no “inattentive” body language, like picking your nails and staring at the wall while your spouse is talking, and no interruptions. That means both kinds – don’t interrupt each other, and also don’t allow outside interruptions to infringe on your time together.
Location, location, location:
For a couple with young children, perhaps the couch at home isn’t the best place for this time together. For a couple with busy, harried work lives, perhaps a walk in the park is a better option that a busy bar frequented by their social group. And for a couple who can’t seem to spend 10 minutes in each other’s company, a public place is best because they are less likely to raise their voices or do something embarrassing.
So when planning your weekly get-together, take into account the kind of life that you lead, and pick your spot accordingly. Be sure to select something that will minimize interruptions, and distractions that may pull one of you away before the allotted time is over. Remember, the grass is always greener where you water it, so if you want your relationship to survive, you need to take some time to do the yard work, as it were.
Join us next time when we address the next item on our list of marriage problems and solutions. Who knows, you may even learn a thing or two along the way. If you and your spouse just can’t seem to make it work though, and you believe it’s time to call it quits and move on, our experienced divorce attorneys are available 24/7 to help you prepare for your future.