We opened this series on common marital problems and their solutions by discussing the most common marriage pitfall known to mankind – communication. Now we are moving on and touching on another big one – the issue of sex in the marriage.
Regardless of how much love and commitment a couple has, statistics show that they are very likely to be, at least somewhat, sexually mismatched. But just because you and your spouse don’t always want the same thing at the same time, or in the same ways, it doesn’t mean that all is lost. With a little effort and rearrangement, a married couple can enjoy a fulfilling sex life.
Hey baby, do you come here often?:
It sounds corny, but one of the things relationship therapists often suggest for couples who are struggling sexually is flirting. It can be a little difficult at first, especially if you haven’t flirted with anyone in years, but practice makes perfect.
Try a little raised eyebrow or a sultry smile across the dinner table every now and again. Perhaps an inside joke, if you two happen to have one, or a suggestive text if you aren’t comfortable just yet with face-to-face flirtation. Any effort you and your spouse make can help get you on the road to a more unified sex life.
It’s date night!
Planning ahead can make a huge difference. Because our modern lives are so busy and so full of distractions, we often collapse into bed at night without having given our spouses a second thought all day. By setting aside time to be together, in particular, time to be alone together, you have much better odds of achieving intimacy.
Hire a babysitter for the evening and go out for dinner and a movie. Dress up for each other and go out for dessert. Or even just have a friend or family member take your kids for the evening in order to have some time alone together at home. But whatever route you take, planning ahead is the key. This is not to say that spontaneity isn’t wonderful, but it cannot be relied upon to sustain your relationship indefinitely.
Listen and learn:
Marriage therapists will be the first to tell you that a lot of couple’s sexual troubles come from miscommunication. Not really knowing what your partner wants, and not being familiar with what actually works for them can create problems. One suggestion is to both write down what you want from each other, and then trade lists. You never know, you may learn something new and exciting.
One thing to remember is that if you and your spouse have tried, but don’t seem able to bridge the gap in your sex life, don’t just give up. Get some counseling. Try a few books on the subject. There are multiple options for people who want to make it work. Don’t give up hope – there are many options for people just like you!
Next week we will be talking about the next big item on our “issues and solutions” list – Money. Join us for some tips and strategies on how to overcome this troublesome topic. Until then, if you or a loved one have decided that your relationship is beyond the point of salvaging, then call our highly skilled divorce attorneys at 866 766 5245. We are here to help you pick up the pieces and rebuild.