Welcome back and thanks again for joining us, as we work our way through the seven most common marital problems plaguing couples nowadays. Thus far in this series we’ve looked at the first four items on our list of problems, namely communication, sex, money and domestic duties. Moving on, we are going to address another pivotal one – trust.
The most expensive thing in the world is trust. It takes years to earn, and just a matter of seconds to lose. Or so says a widely read quote about trust. Another one compares trust to an eraser – which gets smaller and smaller with each mistake. But the reality is, trust cannot be forced or bought. It must be earned. Once you do something to jeopardize it, it can take years to earn it back. So if you want your marriage to survive and grow stronger with time, you need to work hard to maintain your trust in each other.
I mean what I say, and I say what I mean:
One of the best ways to maintain trust in a marriage is to follow through on your word. If you say you’ll be there at 3 pm, then be there at 3 pm. If you promised to pick up the kids after soccer practice so your spouse can get errands done, then do it. If you are an absent-minded person, then get a personal calendar and make a point of writing things down, or download an app onto your phone that will help you keep track of commitments. You’ll avoid a lot of marriage problems that way.
Few things wear away a person’s trust faster than an endless string of broken promises and unfulfilled commitments. Regardless of how silly or inconvenient they may seem at the time, remember that by keeping your word, you are investing in the well-being of your relationship.
Actions speak louder than words:
A spouse who says “I love you so much” but never offers to help around the house, or pick up the slack when the other spouse is feeling overwhelmed, may find that their words aren’t as well received. Claiming “you’re the only one for me” and then flirting with someone else, even if you think it’s harmless, is likely to make your spouse question if you are trustworthy, and could lead to marriage problems.
Being believed when you say something is part of being trusted. So know that while it’s great to pay lip service to your love and respect and affection for your partner, your actions need to support what you say.
Honesty is the best policy:
Think about it. If someone lied to you and you caught them, even if it was a little lie and about something that wasn’t a big deal in the bigger picture, you would still find yourself reluctant to trust them in future. You may wonder what else they lied about that you didn’t catch, and therefore don’t know about. You might catch yourself checking up on things, just to be sure. You may even find yourself doubting what they say in the future.
Often it’s the little lies that do more damage in the long run, because they’re labeled as “harmless” by the person telling them. Therefore they are “OK”, as long as it’s for a good reason. However, it’s these little lies, once discovered, that slowly erode the foundation of trust in a marriage and leave it on very shaky ground.
So if you want to keep your marriage strong, and help avoid marriage problems, be sure to be honest at all times. Let your actions support your words, and keep your promises. It will go a long way towards cementing your relationship and keeping it strong.
Join us next time for the next piece on prioritizing your marriage. You’ll thank us later! If however, you and your spouse just can’t seem to make it work, and you’re sure it’s time to call it quits, our experienced divorce attorneys are available 24/7 to help you prepare for your new future.