This is it, folks – the final item on the list of solutions to common marriage problems. So far we have discussed all the “biggies” like money, sex, communication, domestic duties, trust and prioritizing your marriage. And here we are, at the final item. But just because this particular issue ended up on bottom of the list, doesn’t mean it’s not important. That’s right, we’re talking about great expectations. Or at least, unrealistic ones….
Charles Dickens It Aint!
We’re not talking about that well loved classic story here. This is about that oh-so-common issue that so many married couples have, namely great expectations. Or, more accurately, unfulfilled expectations. So many divorces, it seems, are the result of people who suffered years of disappointments. Years of living with less that they’d expected. A lifetime of feeling that their partner wasn’t quite what they’d hoped for..
There is no greater let down than the one that follows a high expectation. What seems to happen so often these days is that couples get married expecting that their spouse will be their everything. Their best friend, lover, counselor, support system, fan club and personal servant. They will meet all of their needs, fulfill all of their desires, and become everything they could possibly want in a partner. And when they fail to live up to that, the marriage begins to fall apart.
Fact or Fiction:
The truth is that very few people go into marriage without some kind of preconceived notion of what it is going to be like. For some, that can be a realistic understanding of the fact that your partner is a human being with flaws, who will screw up and let you down from time to time. But for others, it can sadly be a fantasy version, fed by media and movies, of marital perfection. Anything less is not good enough.
If you are struggling with feeling disappointed in your partner, do a little soul searching. What was it that you had hoped for that you aren’t getting? Do you have expectations of perfection that aren’t being met (because your spouse is a human, and therefore not perfect!) Once you’ve nailed it down, spend some time considering whether your expectations are realistic, or a fantasy.
A spouse who provides a limitless stream of ego-boosting compliments, fantastic sex, and expensive gifts is probably never going to happen. After all, your spouse is human, has bad days once in awhile, and is subject to their own list of desires. But if you were hoping for someone who pulls their weight around the house or can keep a steady job, chances are you’re not asking for the moon.
Share and Share Alike:
In reality, whatever your expectations, unless you share them with your partner, they will never know what it is you had expected. Going back to that good old communication issue, the only way that your partner is ever likely to live up to your expectations (and not all of them, mind you!) is if you share them.
Talk to your spouse about what you want in a life partner. If they do something that hurts you, tell them about how you feel and why. If you had expected something and it isn’t happening, bring it up. Talk about it. Get it out in the open. This is not guarantee that you’ll get what you want, but you have a much better chance than if you say nothing at all.
So there you have it, guys. A list of suggestions and solutions to help you address some of those tricky areas in your marriage that most couples struggle with. Hopefully these have helped you along the way. But if in the end, you just can’t make it work, we are here to help you pick up the pieces and figure out the best possible future for yourself and your children. Call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245 today. We are here for you.