Everybody argues. There is no such thing as a perfect marriage, or a relationship without problems, but the way you handle your disagreements makes a big difference. And dropping the “D-bomb” during a fight can be very detrimental to your relationship. Why? Because threatening divorce when you don’t mean it can have a devastating impact on your spouse, and your marriage.
You can’t take it back after it’s said!
When people hurt your feelings, it’s a natural (if unpleasant) human reaction to lash back at them. To redirect the flow of pain away from yourself and onto someone else. But you have to be careful, when trying to figure out which of your spouse’s buttons to press, what you can say without causing too much damage. Because once you’ve said something, you can’t unsay it! And threatening “divorce” every time you get mad will get you one of to results:
- You’ll get exactly what you asked for, even if it isn’t what you wanted, or
- Your threats will be considered “empty” and your spouse won’t take you seriously.
There’s a reason why “the boy who cried wolf” is a cautionary tale!
If you threaten divorce every time you get mad, your spouse isn’t going to pay any attention. And why should they? You’ve obviously made this threat before, and nothing came of it. So why should this time be different? Which means that if the time comes that you really do decide to end your marriage, your spouse won’t take you seriously when you tell them. It could also have a negative impact on other statements that you make, because if you make empty threats about divorce, other things you say may also be brushed off as meaningless.
Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it!
Claiming that you’ll divorce your spouse if they don’t change their attitude (or do more dishes, or stop leaving their dirty socks on the couch) might not get you the desired result. Especially if what you really want is just for them to change a specific behavior or attitude. However, if your relationship is already struggling, or your spouse is angry and hurt, they may just latch onto your threat and ride with it. Tossing out the D-bomb, only to have your spouse grab it and run with it, can be an unpleasant surprise indeed!
Only bring up divorce if you really mean it!
Ever heard of the saying “Mean what you say, and say what you mean”? It’s a good one, and very applicable in this situation. If you are seriously considering ending your marriage, then you should definitely let your spouse know (although during a fight isn’t really the best time!) But if you’re just angry, or hurt, or hoping to goad them into doing what you want, then don’t mention it at all! The results will almost always be disastrous for you, and rarely get you what you want.
If you’re planning a divorce, get help from a great attorney!
Divorce is a very turbulent time. At The Kronzek Firm, we’ve helped countless people through the turbulence of divorce, and on into a better future. Our experienced family law attorneys are highly skilled at navigating every aspect of divorce, including custody agreements and parenting time, asset division, and alimony. Call 866 766 5245 today, and discuss your situation with someone who can help.