Toxic Co-Parenting: Heartbreaking Facts You Need To Know (Pt 4)

Frog sitting on rock
Many poisonous things can seem beautiful, which is how they draw you in. But once you’re ensnared it’s very hard to get free…

Thanks for joining us again for the wrap up of this discussion on co-parenting with a toxic ex If you’re just finding this series now we recommend you take a couple of minutes and get caught up so you don’t miss any of our important tips and pointers… And now that you’re back, we can pick up where we left off last time, with a look at one of the saddest and most frustrating aspects of this process – learning to deal with the abuse your ex is going to heap on your head (especially since you’ve cut them off and denied them the pleasure of engaging you in a fight, over and over!)

Know that they’re going to trash talk you.

You may as well just accept it, because there’s nothing you can do about it. Your ex is constantly going to be on the alert for opportunities to make you look bad to your kids. They’re likely to use your kids to spy on you, and they’ll also probably go to great lengths to make you look incompetent and unloving. Remember the fake visitations we mentioned in the second article? Well that’s certainly a part of this process. But it won’t stop there. So be prepared to deal with some fallout in your relationship with your kids.

Can you fight back when your ex throws you under the bus?

As for what you can do about it, the most important thing you can do in your relationship with your children, is just keep on keeping on. Keep loving your kids as much as you can. Keep being kind, attentive and affectionate with them. Be consistent, remind them how much you love them, and make a point of prioritizing your time with them so they know it’s not just words. Cuddle them, play games with them, read to them, and when possible enjoy treats together, like an ice-cream sundae at your favorite restaurant. Eventually your kids should learn to see you for what you really are – a parent who loves them more than anything in the whole world.

But it’s not just your kids. They’ll trash talk you to everyone!

This is so hard to accept, but it’s the truth – your ex is going to take every opportunity to make you look bad (mostly in an effort to get a rise out of you, force you to re engage, and make themselves look better.) The trick here is to protect yourself as much as you can, and refuse to engage whenever possible. Don’t let them manipulate you, gaslight you, or lie to you. They may call you selfish, uncaring, cruel or insecure. Ignore them. They’re a liar, and you already know it, so don’t waste your time and energy fighting about something you already know isn’t true. Whether it’s their friends, your loved ones, the court, or your kids, they’ll do everything they can to tear you down. Stand strong – you’re better than that.

If the lies and allegations get out of hand…

Trash talking you to your friends and kids is bad enough, but you can rise above it. Trash talking you to CPS, the court of the police requires a different strategy – a lawyer. If CPS shows up at your door because your ex reported suspected child abuse, call The Kronzek Firm immediately at 866 766 5245. If a cop tries to ask you questions about your kid, call us right now! And if your toxic ex accuses you of abuse in court in front of the judge, we hope you had the foresight to call us before you even set foot in the courtroom. This battle will be hard, but you can do it. And we can help you.