Many mental health experts and relationship counselors claim that they can tell if a marriage will end up on the rocks long before it gets there. But how? Are there tell-tale signs one can look out for? Red flags that could serve as an early warning system that something is amiss? Apparently there are. We asked around and rounded up a list of what we thought were the most common issues that, if not dealt with, would land couples right here in our offices, talking about divorce. Curious? We thought you would be…
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Round and round…
If the two of you are always fighting about the same things, over and over, without ever finding resolution. These unsolved issues tend to become deep seated wounds that fester and breed resentment, which is a gold plated guarantee that you’ll end up unhappy in your marriage.
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One becomes two…
If you and your spouse struggle to talk to each other about meaningful issues and feelings, it’s a good indicator that your relationship is struggling. The inability to be open in a marriage is often due to fear of your spouses reactions, or a lack of trust in their ability to relate. Communication is vital, and spouse who can’t be honest with each other could end up arguing over who gets to keep the house.
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The ghost of lovers past…
If either or both of you have unresolved issues from previous relationships that you haven’t dealt with, it will cause problems. Whether it’s wounds that haven’t been allowed to heal, which cause a person to keep their current partner at a distance, or lingering attraction that hasn’t been addressed which can lead to mistrust, you need to let go of the past if you hope to move forward together.
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The Grass is Always Greener…
Thinking about how much better your life would be if only you were divorced, is actually not as uncommon as you may think. But if these are regular thoughts, or something that you wonder about often, it’s a pretty good indicator that something is wrong. If you aren’t happy in this relationship, you should either work to change that or leave. Staying unhappy for years is bad for your health. So don’t drag it out for years in the hopes that it will eventually “resolve itself.” Because it won’t.
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Good Times, Bad Times…
Every marriage has good times and bad times. Periods of fulfillment, and periods of dissatisfaction. This is perfectly normal. But when the negative outweighs the positive, you are headed for trouble. If you can think of more things that make you unhappy than happy within the context of your marriage, then you should consider getting some relationship counseling to help you deal with those issues.
Join us next time as we look at the remaining five items on our list of early warning signs that your marriage may be headed for divorce. But in the meantime, if the red flags in your marriage have already become vast banners, come and talk to us. We can help you figure out the next step.