Welcome back and thanks for joining us for this ongoing discussion on how to salvage your marriage after one spouse is unfaithful. In our previous articles we’ve talked about being honest, talking about the past in a safe way, and the importance of counseling. In this segment we’d like to address a particularly difficult but critically important subject – rebuilding your romance in the wake of an affair.
Romance is an issue for most married couples these days.
It’s actually one of the greatest struggles married couples face, whether or not they’re recovering from an infidelity – how to keep their romance alive. After all, romance is not magic. It doesn’t just happen on it’s own, you have to make it happen. This may sound daunting to many, but don’t give up hope – there are lots of little things you can both do to rekindle that fire and keep it going…
Flirt with each other:
While it may sounds funny, flirting isn’t just for teenagers and singles at the bar. Married couples with a healthy sex life often enjoy flirting with each other. Anything from a stolen kiss in public, a sassy wink when you’re across the room from each other, and a playfully suggestive comment in passing can ignite a spark that will linger well into the evening.
Play the dating game:
Set aside time to go on dates. Making time to be together, away from the daily stresses of life, will go a long way towards fostering a stronger relationship. This doesn’t mean you have to break the bank, just that you have to be together without your kids, and agree not to talk about bills or work unless it makes you happy to do so. Have a picnic in the park, take an evening stroll together, go out for ice cream, or catch a cheap matinee movie – anything that gives you time to relax in each other’s company and have a good time together.
You don’t have to invest in plastic surgery and a whole new wardrobe for your spouse to find you attractive. In fact, it’s often the little things that matter. Taking just a few extra minutes to wear something that you know they would find appealing, or doing something small (like trimming your beard, gentlemen, or wearing a dab of lipstick, ladies) that will tell your spouse “Hey, I care enough about you that I made an effort to look a little nicer for you.”
Write a love letter:
Yes, we know, it sounds hokey and cheesy. But it doesn’t have to be some long-winded poem full of sappy cliches (unless of course you’re a skilled poet, then by all means, go for it!) But a simple one-liner, written on a scrap of paper and tucked into his sock drawer for him to discover in the morning, or a goofy text sent in the middle of the work day telling her why she’s beautiful, or listing a few things you love about her, can go a long way.
After an affair, you must be careful with this subject…
One thing to consider when trying to find ways to romance your spouse after an affair is this – the very thing that caused the fall-out in your marriage was sexual in nature, so tread carefully here. You may want to focus initially on romance that fosters intimacy and love, without focusing on sex. Reintroduce the sexual aspect of your relationship slowly and with great care. It will likely be a tender subject for a while, so take your time and be sensitive to each other’s feelings.
It doesn’t always work out the way you’d hoped in the end.
For some couples, despite their best efforts, the relationship can’t be saved. In those cases you need an experienced family law attorney. Here at The Kronzek Firm we can walk you through every aspect of the divorce process, and make sure that your future is protected and provided for. Call 866 766 5245 today, and have your questions answered by a professional divorce attorney who can help you navigate these tricky waters, and avoid unfortunate mistakes.