Catching an Unfaithful Spouse, or Struggling With Trust?

The question of whether or not it’s possible to catch a cheating spouse is actually pretty easy to answer. The truth is, usually you can. Between spy software and tracking apps for smart phones, private detectives who are willing to follow someone for days with a camera in hand, and the trusty old methods of checking your spouse’s clothing for telltale signs of lipstick, perfume and other traces of intimacy, it’s not that hard to catch a cheater. But the more important question, is should you?


Yes, we know, that sounds strange. After all, knowledge is power, and no one wants to be the chump in a marriage who gets the wool pulled over their eyes. But we aren’t talking about choosing to turn a blind eye to an obvious affair. Rather, we are talking about whether or not it’s wise to spend your marriage perpetually assuming that your spouse is unfaithful, and always looking for clues to back up your unending suspicions.


If your spouse suddenly starts coming home later and later from the office, inexplicably needs to take more business trips than ever before, and begins to seem distant and preoccupied, you may have a case of infidelity on your hands. But if your spouse hasn’t said or done anything to justify suspicions against them, and no one has whispered a rumor in your ear to implicate them, spying and assuming the worst may say more about you than it does about them.


If you feel compelled to check your spouse’s email while they’re sleeping, sneak peeks at their contact lists and recent text messages while they’re occupied with the kids, and can’t stop searching their pockets for evidence of possible infidelity, you may have a problem. Trust issues can erode a marriage faster than floodwaters wash away topsoil. If your spouse is innocent of any imagined wrongdoings, and discovers you’re snooping behind their back, your marriage may just end up in divorce court without an affair having anything to do with it.


There are many reasons why a person may struggle to trust their partner. Perhaps one or both of their own parents were unfaithful in their marriage, which sets a negative precedent for what relationships should look like. Or perhaps someone was unfaithful in a previous relationship of their own, and the wound hasn’t healed yet. But whatever the reason, this is an issue that can cause enormous damage to a relationship.


If you are having trouble trusting your spouse, we recommend doing a little soul searching before embarking on a crusade to discover any potential infidelity. Ask yourself whether your spouse has said or done anything to warrant suspicions about their faithfulness. If the answer is no, then we suggest that you consider seeking out some counseling to deal with trust issues in an effort to save your marriage. If the answer is yes, then your search is probably justified, and in the event that you find evidence of an affair, we are here to help you pick up the pieces.