In part one of this series on dating after divorce, we looked at the first two items on our list of things you need to consider when re-entering the world of dating after divorce. Having talked about the importance of positive thinking and loving your body regardless of your age, we are moving on to the next two items on the agenda…
Dating in the digital age.
Depending on how long it’s been since you were last on a date with someone other than your spouse, you may not have involved in the world of online dating. For many divorcees nowadays, the internet was a fledgling concept when they walked down the aisle, so the notion of using a website to find a partner may seem very strange, and also scary. While online dating may seem foreign, it has been highly successful for a huge number of people, and you can be one of them too!
- Decide upfront what you are looking for – a lasting relationship, or a casual dating experience. This will help you single out the possible dating partners that are best suited to where you are in life right now.
- Have a close friend help you setup your online dating profiles. They will be a great help for all those little things, like taking flattering pictures if you aren’t comfortable with selfies, and getting a second opinion on the matches that are suggested for you.
- All those rules that you learned for safety when you were dating long ago? Those still apply when meeting someone in person that you met online – meet in a public place, tell a friend where you are going, and have someone check in on you when it’s over.
- Remember that computer programs may be capable of amazing things, but they are not infallible. Your first few matches may not work out and that’s okay. Don’t quit just because a few people aren’t what you’d hoped for.
Get your head, and your heart, checked.
Your mental and emotional health will play a huge role in how successful your re-entry is into the dating world. Dating, while it’s a lot of fun, is also a relatively intimate process. You will spend hours in a one-on-one situation with someone, talking about a wide array of subjects, and sometimes this can lead to other, more physically intimate situations if the chemistry is right. But before you head off on your post-divorce dating adventure, you need to check your head, and your heart.
- Be happy by yourself. Dating is fun, but if you are looking for someone to fill the void, you are going to be disappointed. Dating because you’re desperate for the next Mr. or Mrs. right will make you come across as clingy and needy, which is hugely unattractive. Make sure that you are happy without someone else before you go in search of a partner.
- Work on getting past the anger that your divorce caused. After all, do you want to go on a bunch of dates with a bitter, angry person who can’t get past their resentments and can’t stop trash talking their ex? Probably not. Same goes for the people who date you!
- Don’t spend your date talking about your past failed relationships. While your date may also be divorced, and this might give you something in common to discuss, make sure that you talk about other things as well. After all, this is about creating opportunities for change and newness, not just rehashing the past.
Join us next time, as we wrap up this series on dating after divorce, and what you will need to keep in mind as you reenter the world of intimate relationships. You may even learn something new!