Do you remember what it was like, back when you and your spouse got together for the first time? How young and idealistic you were? How vibrant and beautiful and full of hope you felt? Or even further back, before you got together with the person you ultimately married, back when you were free and unencumbered?
Well, now that you’re divorced and considering re-entering the dating world, you will quickly discover that it is considerably different to how it was back in the day. But there’s no need to be alarmed. Change can be a great thing, it’s just a matter of adapting the way you think about things. So for those of you who are hoping to get back in the saddle after the divorce dust has settled, here are a few things you should know about dating after divorce…
With age comes wisdom…. and wrinkles.
Back when you were young and fresh-faced, you probably worried needlessly about your appearance just like everyone else. It’s a very different ballgame when you re-enter the dating world years, sometimes decades later, and have to contend with what time and gravity have done to your appearance. For men, this might look like larger ‘love handles’ or a little more heft on your frame. For women, especially those of you who have had children, weight gain and stretch marks can make you feel self conscious and uncomfortable in your own skin. If so, consider this:
- The person you are most likely going to end up on a date with will probably be in your age range, which means that they are facing the same discomforts that you are. Take heart.
- Your body has survived a lot, and it’s still going. It has carried you through a marriage, possibly through parenthood, and through a divorce, to name but a few of life’s challenges. So be kind to it.
- Remember what’s important. Looks are great, but what really matters is on the inside. Yes, we know, that’s cliche and all, but it also true. If someone doesn’t come back for a second date based on your appearance, then write them off and move on. Besides, you wouldn’t want a relationship with someone so shallow anyway!
- Self confidence is sexy. If you think that no one could possibly find you attractive after all this time, then you may well be setting yourself up for a lonely future. So throw your shoulders back, tell your reflection in the mirror that you are gorgeous, and go get ’em!
Mind over matter really matters.
Google “the power of positive thinking” and you will be drowning in websites, blogs, seminars and books, all dealing with the importance of how positive thinking can reshape your life. Why? Because it’s true. Positive thinking CAN make a difference, and not just to your mental health. Your dating life can benefit too.
- Don’t think of yourself as damaged goods. Thinking about yourself as “used up” or “discarded” by someone else will affect how others see you. Acting as if you are undesirable will make you seem undesirable. Tell yourself that you’re awesome, every day if you have to, until you believe it. Once you believe it, others will too.
- Stop caring about what other people think. Your mother thinks you’re not ready to date again? Your best friend feels that you should wait a little longer so that you don’t look desperate? What do YOU think? There’s nothing wrong with taking advice from trusted loved ones, but trust yourself as well. Only you really know what’s best for you.
- Think of this as an adventure. You don’t have to find “the one.” You don’t need a replacement for the spouse who didn’t work out. You just need to learn to love yourself and have some fun. Come on, you deserve it!
Join us next time as we look at a few more pointers that divorced singles should consider as they reenter the dating world.