Hi there and welcome back. In our previous article in this series on divorcing a narcissist, we talked about some of the most common challenges people face when ending a relationship with someone who suffers from narcissistic personality disorder. We also mentioned the importance of being able to tell the difference between someone who is hurt and angry, and someone who has a personality disorder! However, for those of you who really are trying to divorce a narcissist, let’s pick up where we left off…
They’ll lie about you in the most convincing way!
As we pointed out before, a narcissist is focused entirely on themselves, which means they’re unlikely to be able to get over being “left” by someone. A divorce not instigated by them will lead to furious rage, and a desire for revenge. However, because narcissists are manipulative, their desire to exact vengeance almost never comes out in the form of physical abuse or threats. Instead, they’re likely to use cunning and malice to get back at the person who is leaving them.
So what does that mean? Unfortunately, it often means false allegations. False allegations of abuse or neglect are incredibly serious, and can have life-altering consequences for you! Narcissists often claim that they, or their children, have been subject to some form of abuse, either emotional or sexual or physical, at the hands of the spouse who is instigating the divorce. Also, because they’re manipulative, they’ll use the courts to get attention, and to put their claims out in a public space, where the most possible damage is done.
They’ll drag this out for as long as possible!
For a narcissist, it’s never over until they decide they’ve had enough. And that decision doesn’t come easily. Divorcing a narcissist is likely to be a lengthy project, because they often experience their spouse’s desire to end the marriage as a personal “injury” to them. This means they’re likely to ‘get even’ by making the process as painful and drawn out for the person who hurt them as possible.
Ever heard of a divorce process dragging on for years? Costing thousands and thousands of dollars? Well, that sounds like exactly the sort of thing a narcissist would do in order to cause the maximum amount of stress and misery. Sounds awful? It is. However, the good news is that very experienced divorce attorneys understand how to deal with narcissistic people. We do it often, and so we’re familiar with their tactics and ploys.
If you have children, this is going to be extra hard!
Getting divorced can be very hard on kids. But divorcing a narcissist when you have children can be excruciating. Children are often emotionally traumatized by highly contentious divorces that drag out over long periods of time. In addition, narcissists are known for using their children as pawns during custody battles, to achieve their own ends. Which means they may lie in order to alienate the other parent, make false accusations of abuse, or even make veiled threats, if it suits their purposes.
If you are divorcing a narcissist, you need to be aware that your children may be at risk. Discuss the situation with your attorney, and consider getting your children into therapy. Counseling may help them prepare for what lies ahead, and allow them a safe space to work through their emotions.
Are you considering divorcing a narcissist? You’re going to need help!
If you or a loved one is considering divorce, the experienced family law attorneys at The Kronzek Firm have spent decades helping the families of mid-Michigan with all their family legal issues. We have experience handling contentious divorces, and know how to deal with narcissistic spouses. So if you’re headed for a high conflict divorce, call us today at 866-766-5245 and talk to someone who can help.