Welcome back and thanks for joining us as we wrap up this series on fighting the right way. As we’ve pointed out so far, what you say (and how you say it) makes a big difference. So we’d like to wrap up these suggestions with the last few we believe are important. Here you go…
Shut up and listen!
One of the things people in fights so often forget to do, is listen. They get so angry and focused on their own issues, they forget to hear what their partner has to say. But you were born with one mouth and two ears for a reason – you should do twice as much listening as you do talking!
Listening is a skill, and in the heat of the moment it can be really hard to do. However, one of the cornerstones of a healthy marriage is mutual respect. And nothing says “I don’t respect you” quite like not being willing to hear what your partner has to say. So take time to listen. Don’t interrupt when they are speaking. And know that even if it’s difficult, it’s a sign of respect and an important part of positive conflict resolution. And….practice makes perfect.
Don’t get distracted from the issue at hand…
It is easy, when you are fighting, to start dragging up all sorts of old problems and unresolved issues from the past. Digging up old grievances to fling in your spouse’s face, roaming further and further from the topic at hand. And like the ghosts of conflicts past, they hang around and make a bad situation even more unpleasant.
So stick to the issue at hand. Focus on the subject you two are arguing about, and don’t bring up other, unrelated problems until you have dealt with this one. This will keep the argument succinct and much briefer. Also, it will allow you to address the issue like adults, and not start flinging insults like angry children. This will mean a much faster resolution and a lot less emotional fall out along the way.
Work together, because you’re in this together.
One of the fastest ways to resolve an issue is to look for areas of concession. What does that mean? It means find the middle ground. Figure out what problems can be worked on by both of you. Work towards a compromise by being willing to meet in the middle. As soon as you’re looking for ways to work together on solving something, the fight is essentially over.
It may be difficult in the moment, but it’s important to put aside your pride and your desire to be right. Focus on how the problem you’re facing can be resolved. When you go after the issue, as opposed to going after each other, you’re far more likely to resolve the problem productively, and with minimum lasting damage to your relationship.
Do you need help from a Michigan divorce attorney?
We hope these pointers have been helpful, and your future arguments don’t wreck your marriage. If however, you and your spouse can’t seem to get on the same page about anything, call us at 866 766 5245. The skilled divorce attorneys at The Kronzek Firm can help you decide what’s best for your future and your family, and walk you through whatever decisions you make to their best conclusions.