Hey there. Welcome back and thanks for joining us again. We’ve been talking about how to break the news to your kids once you’ve decided to get divorced, and how challenging this conversation can be for parents. If your children are extremely young it’s unlikely they’ll remember life before the transition, and if they’re already adults it may be hard for them, but at least they no longer live with you.
This series, however, is for parents whose children are old enough to understand that life will change, but aren’t yet living independently. We know this topic is particularly hard for parents, so we hope these tips and thinking points are helpful for you. If you’re only just finding us now, we recommend you spend a few minutes getting caught up before we pick up where we left off.
Keeping the dialogue open to discussion:
In the previous article we touched on the fact that you shouldn’t rush a conversation like this because your child may have questions. That’s very important to remember – their whole life is about to change and they have no control over it, so it’s likely they’ll have a lot of concerns. And it’s your job as their parent to listen to them, and answer their questions as truthfully as possible.
You need to be prepared to talk, without anger, guilt or frustration, about what’s happening. Discuss with your child how they feel about it, and be willing, within reason, to discuss with them how you feel about it. Be honest, and encourage them to share openly with you, regardless of how painful it may seem at the time. This dialogue is very important for setting the stage for a child’s future acceptance of the divorce.
Addressing the issue as a family:
You and your spouse aren’t in a good place. Obviously. Or we wouldn’t be having this conversation in the first place. But there’s a lot to be said for putting your personal grievances aside (if possible) and having this conversation together as a family. By being together when you tell your children, you help to show them that even though your marriage is ending, your united love for them is not.
It also helps your kids if they only have to go through this discussion once, rather than having to go through it all over again with the second parent. This way, they can ask both of you all the questions they may have, knowing that you’ll both work together to be there for them through hard times, even if you aren’t “together” anymore.
Divorce is hard, but you and your kids will survive this.
We know this is challenging, but it’s possible to work through it and come out stronger, smarter and better equipped for life (and the same goes for your children!). In the end, how you handle this now will have a lasting impact on your relationship with your children. It will also affect how they process the divorce, and how quickly they recover.
A lot is riding on your choices. So focus on making the best ones possible – both for yourself and for your kids. However, with regards to your legal choices, you will need some help from an experienced divorce attorney during the process. So call The Kronzek Firm today at 866 766 5245, and discuss your situation with us. We’re available 24/7 to help.