Starting to date again after a marriage has ended can be both scary and exciting. But if you end up picking the wrong person, it usually ends up with the ‘scary’ factor amplified by ten! Because while there are many fish in the sea, some of them have huge teeth, ferocious dispositions, or are downright poisonous!
Having just looked at a list of who women should avoid when dating after divorce, we would like to offer our male readers some similar advice. So here is a list of women that men should avoid when they reenter the dating world after a divorce.
Ms. Nothin’-like-my-ex-at-all!
Maybe your ex was an outdoorsy athlete, and so in order to avoid making the same mistake twice, you choose a book-loving insider. Or you pick a free swinging musician because your ex was a career oriented ‘yuppy.’ Either way, while we understand the appeal of choosing someone who is the complete opposite of the woman who just broke your heart, there are a few things you should consider first.
You and your ex got together for a reason. Chances are, while the relationship didn’t end up working out, you two had things in common. So if you love to camp and kayak, and so did your ex, you won’t be doing yourself any favors by choosing someone who hates dirt and bugs. Try to approach your new dating experience as just that – something new. Don’t base it on your ex. Look for what you think will work for you now.
Ms. Also-divorced-and-I-hate-my-ex!
You know the type. She’s angry and bitter about her divorce, which can sometimes translate in snarkiness and sass, which is funny. Also, she gets you. She understands your pain, your frustrations, your anger. After all, she has them too, in spades. But that right there is the problem.
You need to heal. To move on. Not to get trapped in a cycle of complaining about why your ex was a monster and how awful your marriage was. So being in a relationship with someone else who is still working through their anger at their ex will only force you to put an unhealthy amount of focus on your failed marriage. This won’t help you get past it, it will only keep you trapped in a cycle of unforgiveness and resentment. Not healthy!
Ms. Let-me-be-your-mommy
Tradition says that men to marry their mothers. Metaphorically speaking, of course! The idea is that men are attracted to the kind of women that their mother was, because that was the example set for them for what a woman should be like. But regardless of what your mother was like, there is a distinct difference between finding a woman who is something like your mom, and finding a woman who wants to be your mom!
Women tend to be nurturers. Not every women, mind you, but a surprising majority. They tend to want to help and heal, to kiss boo-boos and wipe away tears. But while there is nothing wrong with being comforted by a woman, you don’t need a mother hen who is going to follow you around, giving you ‘good advice’ on how to live your life, and trying to fix all of your woes. You’ve already got one mom, you don’t need another.
Join us next time as we wrap up this short list on who to avoid in the dating pool, after your divorce. It’ll be fun, we promise!