Thanks for joining us once again. We’ve been discussing narcissism and how it can affect divorce. In the previous post we looked at a few facts about narcissists that you would need to be aware of, going into a divorce. Moving on we’re going to be sharing some advice with you from someone who is a respected expert on the subject – Dr. Karyl McBride, PhD.
McBride is the author of the much referenced book, Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family. McBride is a leading authority on narcissism, and shares her years of experience in this hope-giving book about how to survive and thrive during divorce from a narcissist. In her book she discusses what to expect along the way, and strategies for how to cope.
Expect this to take a while… because it will!
One of the very important points McBride makes, is that divorcing a narcissist will be a long and drawn out affair. As she explains (and we pointed out in the previous post) a narcissist will experience their spouse’s desire to get divorced as a personal “injury.” They’ll probably try to get revenge by making the process a painful, ongoing affair. Unsurprisingly, this ends up costing thousands of extra dollars, which can be a serious drain on your resources.
Narcissists can ‘turn on the charm’ when they want to!
Another point that McBride makes, is that narcissists can be extremely charming and likable when they choose to be. As a result, attorneys, mediators, judges and even Friend of the Court workers can be fooled, which narcissists use to their advantage. Many narcissists have an uncanny ability to deceive people into believing that they’re the “good” person, and that their victim (the spouse who’s divorcing them) is the “bad” one. This trickery has resulted in many abused spouses being punished for imagined crimes and false allegations.
Be aware of how this process could affect your kids!
Finally, one other major concern that McBride raises is the issue of children. Children are often emotionally traumatized by highly contentious divorces that drag out over long periods of time. In addition, narcissists are known for using their children as pawns to achieve their own ends during custody battles. Which means, if it suits their purposes to lie in order to alienate the other parent, make false accusations of abuse, or even make veiled threats, they will!
Prepare yourself with good resources!
All in all, if you’re considering divorcing a spouse you believe may be a narcissist, we recommend you read McBride’s book. It will help prepare you with regard to your expectations of what you may be up against. Also, it provides great coping strategies and ways to help your kids heal from the damage. Other great books on the subject include Divorcing a Narcissist: One Mom’s Battle by, and Divorcing a Narcissist: Advice From the Battlefield by Tina Swithin, and The High Conflict Custody Battle: Protect Yourself and Your Kids From a Toxic Divorce, False Accusations, and Parental Alienation by Amy J. L. Baker PhD.
Also, if you or a loved one are considering a divorce, but suspect that your spouse will turn it into an abusive and high conflict battle, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our skilled family law attorneys have spent decades helping people navigate the minefield that is divorce from a narcissist. We have significant experience handling high conflict divorces, and helping people structure custody and alimony agreements with ex’s who can’t agree on anything. Call us today to discuss your unique situation. We are here, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to help you. Otherwise, join us next time for the wrap up on this topic. See you then!