Welcome back and thanks for joining us for the next installment in our series on narcissism and how that can affect a divorce. In our previous post we discussed what exactly narcissism is, and how it differs from general selfishness. In these next few articles we’d like to look at what divorcing a narcissist could look like. Which is important to know, incase you need to prepare. Because it’s not pretty.
We’d like to start this off with a few facts about people way out there on the narcissism spectrum. Facts that will shed light on what you’re up against in this battle. Because let’s be honest…it really will be a battle!
Gender plays a role
Although it would be wrong to say that most men or most women are narcissistic, it is true that gender plays a role here. Studies have shown that men are twice as likely to be narcissistic as women.
Winning is the most important thing
To a narcissist, a divorce won’t be about doing the right thing, or about being fair, or even about pursuing a better future. It’s all about winning. For narcissists, their ego simply cannot stand to lose. They believe that they’re superior to others, and divorce provides them a chance to prove it.
Revenge is a strong motivator
If you initiated the divorce, and your spouse is a narcissist, you have set yourself for a fight. By filing for divorce you’ve insulted them, making a public declaration of your desire to be free of them. Which will be interpreted as a slight, or disrespect. For a narcissist, who values other people’s opinions of them very highly, this is the equivalent of an open declaration of war.
Your feelings don’t matter
Because narcissists don’t have empathy, they don’t experience pity for others. They don’t care if their actions cause pain, because other people’s feelings don’t even register on their internal landscape. Proving you wrong and beating you are everything. Considering how badly you get hurt during the process is nothing.
The system can be gamed
Gaming the system is part of the pleasure for a narcissist. They take joy in twisting the facts to suit their purposes, tricking others, turning people against you, and using the system to hurt you. Unfortunately, family court judges are sometimes fooled by the charming personas that narcissists adopt during hearings. Which means that you have to be very careful during your divorce.
Court is all part of the engagement process
For a narcissist, getting what they want isn’t enough. They want to drag you back into the ring for another round. And another, and another, and another… you get the picture. They want to keep engaging you, finding new and hostile ways to manipulate you and wear you down. The easiest way to achieve it? The court. Filing endless motions, making false accusations, the ways in which they use the court to engage you is endless. So be aware, and prepare yourself.
You will need a really good divorce attorney!
At The Kronzek Firm, our skilled family law attorneys have decades of experience handling contentious divorces. We understand the challenges you’ll face while divorcing a person with a personality disorder, both during the divorce process and afterwards.
In the next installment we’ll continue our discussion on divorcing a narcissist. Until then, if you or a loved one need help with your divorce, our experienced attorneys have spent decades helping families from all over Michigan with their family legal issues, including everything from divorce and custody, to alimony and child support. We are here for you. Call us today at 866-766-5245.