Recovering After a Toxic Marriage? Keep These Tips in Mind (Pt 1)

A picture of toxic mushrooms - fly agaric - as a symbol for toxic things that we are taught to avoid.
We’re taught from an early age to avoid toxic things – snakes, toadstools, poisonous chemicals. But toxic relationships can be hard to recognize until it’s too late!

Toxic relationships take a toll on every part of you. Your heart, mind, body and soul are all likely to be suffering in the wake of that abuse, and you need time to heal. But how? What can you do to help yourself move past this period of personal tragedy, and overcome the damage done by your poisonous ex? You might feel helpless, like you’re ‘damaged goods’ and you’ll never get over it, but that’s the voice of your ex – and you’re not listening to them anymore, remember? (That’s why you got divorced!) Now’s the time to start listening to voices that will encourage you and lift you up. So let’s start by transforming your own…

What you say to yourself matters!

The way you talk to yourself has a huge impact on how you feel and what you believe to be true. Think it’s an accident that athletes pep talk themselves in front of the mirror before big games? Or that confident people repeat success mantras when they start their days? Nope. Because your words have power. So make sure you’re using that power for good by telling yourself the things you need to hear.

“You’re a wonderful person, deserving of love and kindness from others.”

“You are strong, and while this might be very hard, you WILL get through it!”

“You’re a valuable and important person, and you deserve to be happy.”

It might feel a little corny at first, repeating motivational phrases to yourself in the mirror, but it really helps! Also, the more you do it, the easier it gets to believe it. And right now, that’s exactly what you need – to hear positive messages about yourself and your worth on a regular person. So get into the bathroom right now, look yourself firmly in the eye, and tell yourself something amazing that you deserve to hear!

Don’t let yourself continue to be poisoned.

If you found out someone was putting ground glass in your food, you wouldn’t keep eating it, right? Of course not! So if you know your ex is toxic, don’t keep going back to another dose of poison! So what exactly does that mean in your case? It means that you need to cut off all contact with your ex (beyond contacts that you’re legally required to have.)

So if you’re in the middle of the divorce process, allow your attorney to reach out to them when you need to exchange info. If you have to go to their home to pick up or drop off kids per a custody agreement, take a friend with you as a witness, and don’t stay for a second longer than you have to. Don’t answer texts unless they have to do with subjects you can’t avoid (like the kid’s schedule) and ask a trusted friend to screen all your calls from them to ensure that the subject is kosher. The less contact you have with toxic people, especially ones that have a history of harming you, the better your healing process will be.

Divorce from a toxic person can be extremely difficult!

Toxic people can make even the simplest and most mundane encounter feel like a war zone. As family law attorneys with more than a quarter century of experience handling difficult and contentious divorces, we understand how hard this is for you. They’re going to keep complicating the process, dragging it out, re-engaging you and trying to regain control of the situation. It’s emotionally exhausting, but you don’t have to give them the upper hand!

If you’re trapped in a toxic marriage and you want out, or you’re already divorced but you need help navigating a tricky custody issue with a toxic ex, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our experienced and compassionate divorce attorneys can help you with every step of the process, from alimony and child support, to custody and asset division.