Having talked about the types of relationships that commonly develop into affairs, the warning signs to look for, and the ways that a cheater justifies what they do, we are wrapping this up with an overview on how to catch a cheating spouse.
Unsurprisingly, catching a cheating spouse is rarely anything like hollywood makes it out to be. Men don’t tend to come home with red lipstick smears on their starched white collars, and women rarely start meeting new friends “for drinks” three times a week when they’ve never been overly social in the past. But just because the clues may not fall into your lap, it doesn’t mean that you are powerless to discover the truth. But before you decide what course of action to take, here are some things to consider…
What you CAN do:
Hire a private detective.
Although this is probably the most costly of the options, it is also likely to garner you fast results. A lot of things make stealthily following your spouse hard, the first two being that you are easily recognisable to them, and if you have young children you will have to hire a babysitter for as long as it takes to follow your spouse, night after night. For people who suspect their spouses but aren’t able to follow them discreetly, a private detective may be an option to consider.
Sometimes the simplest options are the easiest. If you suspect your spouse of an illicit dalliance, follow them there with a camera, or ask a friend to spend a few hours sneaking around after them to see where they go. Hide a baby monitor in their home office, or which ever room they tend to head to when they take those “private work calls,” and them listen in when they next head off to talk to “George from accounting.”
This is often the least pleasant option as it can lead to an enormous fight, and if your spouse has a tendency to “lie and deny” then it won’t do you any good. BUt sometimes the most straightforward option is the best one. If you really believe that your spouse is cheating, then talk to them about it. Explain why you suspect them, and what your fear are. They will either admit it or they won’t. But at least you will have said your piece. Now call your divorce attorney.
What you CAN’T do:
Invest in ‘spy’ software.
Buying a small recording device to hide under the seat of your spouse’s car, or downloading a GPS “tracker” app onto their phone may sound like a great idea, but there are a number of things that are actually illegal in Michigan. State law allows you to put a tracking device into a vehicle that is in your name, but if the car your spouse drives is registered to them, you are not allowed to track their vehicle. In addition, the law is very particular about when and how “spy software” is used, as it can violate a person’s privacy.
Conduct personal check ups.
It is the work of a moment to do a quick scan of your spouse’s recent texts if they happen to leave their phone lying around, or check their browser history to see where they’ve been. But be careful! The law is very specific about what you may and may not do with someone else’s private information, even if that person is your spouse. For example, checking someone else’s email without their permission is against the law and could result in criminal charges.
What you SHOULD do:
Talk to an attorney.
An experienced family law attorney will know exactly what you can and cannot do, when it comes to figuring out if your spouse is being unfaithful. They will be able to help you make decisions about how to catch your spouse in the act without risking jail time in the process. And once it’s all over, they will be able to help you through the divorce process as well.
We hope this series has been helpful for you. But if you are in the difficult position of being the faithful spouse whose marital partner has violated the sanctity of your wedding vows, you are going to need an experienced divorce attorney who will ensure that you are properly represented during your divorce. Contact the Kronzek Firm today to discuss your options with one of our experienced and understanding family law attorneys. We are here to help.