Why Cheating on a Cheating Spouse Sabotages Marriage Recovery

If your marriage is already in recovery from your spouse’s infidelity, adding your own won’t help the healing process.

Last week we looked at why cheating on an unfaithful spouse is actually a pretty rotten idea, and why it doesn’t work when you’re looking to ‘get even.’ In fact, as we explained, you’re a lot more likely to end up getting divorced if you cheat as well (although there are probably quite a few people who don’t think that’s a bad thing!)

But what about if you want to save your marriage? What should you do if you’re hoping to avoid a divorce in the future? Is cheating to give your spouse a ‘taste of their own medicine’ such a bad thing? According to the professionals, it certainly is!

Cheating on a cheater ruins your chances of recovery!

Regardless of how mad you are, and how much your spouse deserves some serious punishment, if you’re hoping to save your marriage then you need to keep your pants on. According to Guy Winch, Ph.D., the licensed psychologist and author we spoke about last time, cheating on a cheater makes marriage recovery much harder.

Not sure why? Here are Dr. Winch’s top reasons for why retaliation affairs will ruin your chances of saving your marriage:

  • Having an affair to retaliate will take your focus off the real issues – why your spouse had an affair in the first place. If you want to save your marriage you have to be willing to do the hard work, like addressing the problems in your relationship and looking for ways to fix them.
  • Your marriage is already in a delicate and vulnerable state. Cheating on your spouse, however deserved you may think it is, could be the straw that breaks the camel’s back.
  • If you’re hoping to save your marriage, then rebuilding trust is a very important step. Cheating doesn’t build trust, it destroys it! So cheating on your spouse, no matter how badly hurt you are, is doing the exact opposite of what you need right now.
  • There is already a lot of anger and hurt feelings between you. Retaliation affairs tend to exacerbate those feelings, adding anger and pain to your spouse’s side, while compounding guilt and shame on yours. In the end, that makes it harder to heal.
  • One of the issues that leads to affairs is lack of engagement. Having your own affair can make it harder for you to engage emotionally with your spouse, which makes a divorce much more likely.

Cheating on your spouse – whatever the reason – is a bad idea!

Unlike the original affair, which happened for selfish reasons, a revenge affair is usually done for the sole purpose of causing someone pain. Whether or not it works is another thing, but the fact remains that someone engaged in a sexual affair and flaunted it simply to cause their spouse pain. And that can backfire on you, regardless of whether you’re trying to salvage your relationship, or ready to end it.

Avoiding a divorce is possible for some couples after an affair, although it requires a lot of forgiveness, painful honesty, and effort. If you don’t think you’re willing to make the Herculean effort to save your marriage, call our experienced divorce attorneys at 866 766 5245. We’re available 24/7 to help you work out all the details during this difficult time.