For many people, when they envision getting a divorce, they imagine being free from their spouse and the trouble they’ve caused. Whether it’s a lazy spouse who doesn’t help around the house, or a cheating spouse who can’t keep their pants on, divorce will offer a fresh start. A chance to walk away from the mess and start over with a clean palette. But getting from “now” to that glorious future is a process. A process that will take time, and some strategic decisions on your part.
Rome wasn’t built in a day…
Few things change overnight. However, if the plan is for you to end up living apart from your spouse, you’ll need to start slowly disentangling your lives. From a domestic standpoint this can mean many things. In a household where one parent is a stay-at-home parent and the other works full time, this can be much harder. But in families where both parents work, it should be a little easier to start separating your intertwined domestic lives.
Divide your domestic duties…
One way would be to start by separating your laundry. Instead of having one person do all of the laundry for the entire family, agree to each do your own laundry, and take turns to do the kid’s clothes. Another way to begin separating your lives would be to split up some of the bills. By separating joint accounts and having each person pay for his or her own phone bill and monthly gym membership, you can begin the slow process of separation.
Take turns to be with the kids….
You could also take turns to watch the children, giving each other the chance for a night out with friends. Another suggestion would be to encourage a “dad’s night out with the kids”, and one for mom as well. This would help the kids start getting used to the idea of doing things with one parent at a time instead of as a family. On the flip side, this would give each remaining parent an evening alone without the kids.
However, take note that unless carefully managed, this plan could backfire on you! Setting a precedent by creating a “kids schedule” could make later custody negotiations difficult, especially if you aren’t happy with the schedule. So don’t “agree” to something you don’t like, even if it’s only a temporary arrangement. The courts could view it as an established custodial environment and continue the status quo once you get to court.
Rearrange rooms so you can sleep apart…
While this next subject is very personal, it’s also very important! Many couples who decide to divorce choose to sleep separately within their home. Sometimes this means taking turns on the couch, or one of you setting up a temporary bedroom in the home office. But whatever that split looks like, you need to honor it.
Don’t continue to be intimate with your spouse…
And by ‘honor that arrangement,’ we mean do not continue to engage in a sexual relationship with your soon-to-be-ex! This may seem a little extreme, but it’s for a good reason! First, many people view a pending divorce as a license to engage in guilt-free sexual relationships with others. After all, they think, it’s almost over, so why bother to wait? However, this could result in you being left with a surprise STD due to your spouse’s dalliances.
And secondly, some spouse’s have been known to use sexual teasing in the moment to get what they want. Going “only so far” until you agree to a bigger settlement, or more substantial child support payments. Sounds ridiculous? Yes, and yet it happens!
Hire a really good divorce attorney…
We would be remiss if we didn’t include the importance of a really good divorce lawyer in our list. After all, the best way to ensure that your interests are protected is to have an experienced family law attorney on your side. So if you’re considering divorce and you have questions, or want help preparing for the road ahead, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. WE’re here to help you and your family.