Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex After Divorce? (Part 1)

A man and woman drinking coffee and smiling at a table
Being friends with your ex can be very hard, but it can also make life much easier after divorce!


So you want to be friends with your ex? Well, good for you! That’s considered a sign of maturity in a divorced person. However, mature as this step may be, it’s a very daunting process to start over in a whole new way when you share such a turbulent past.


If you can manage it though, the rewards for being friends with your ex can be rich. Because a friendship of this nature is built on ground that is shaky at best, (and more-than-likely it’s the site of some very recent demolition) there are a few basic rules that you should stick to in order to ensure success!


Time To Grieve…

First, give yourself time to mourn the end of the relationship, and know that it may take a while, especially if you two were together for a long time. Pursuing a friendship after a breakup can only really be successful when both parties have allowed the passion to die down and the pain to heal.


You will know when you’ve moved past the mourning stage, because you’ll be able to run into your ex in a social setting without having to hide your tears, or swallow your rage. A pang of regret is normal when encountering a former love, a total breakdown is not.


Chaste Is Best…

One of the most important rules to remember when pursuing a friendship with your ex is to keep it platonic. Under no circumstances should you engage in any sexual encounters, and you should make it a point to keep the physical aspect of your burgeoning friendship to an absolute minimum.


Cuddling, while it may seem innocuous, can lead to other, more dangerous physical territory. When you are with someone that you have had a former intimate relationship with, and the two of you are now trying to develope a platonic friendship, crossing that boundary back into intimacy, even once, can unravel all your hard work in one night!


Setting The Boundaries…

At least in the initial stages, you should not go to your ex for emotional solace during difficult times. A terrible day at work? A huge fight with your best friend? If you’re in need of someone to listen to your woes and provide comfort and reassurances, talk to another friend or a family member.


Emotional intimacy, even if it doesn’t open the door to any lingering physical contact, is too complicated to sustain in the early stages of friendships with exes. If you get together with your ex, talk about hobbies, shared interests, and other subjects that are light and fun. Stay away from painful or highly charged subjects.


Hopefully this has provided a little insight and a few useful pointers on how to approach a friendship with your former spouse. So join us next time when we take a look at the last three items on this simple and straightforward list of how to successfully befriend your ex. Until then, if you need help with your divorce, custody, alimony or any other aspect of family law, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our experienced family law attorneys can help you.