In the previous article we talked about the first three rules that you will need to stick to if you want to be successful in pursuing a friendship with your ex. Moving forward, we are going to look at the last three. And remember, this is going to be tough, but it will make you a stronger, better person, and your kids will benefit enormously from it.
One thing that often helps to stabilize a new friendship between exes, is if both of you seek out new romantic relationships. If that role in your life is being fulfilled by someone else, you’re far less likely to want to revisit your past affections for your ex (even if it’s only to offset any loneliness you may be feeling in the wake of the breakup.)
Don’t forget, though, to discuss with your new partner that you and your ex are slowly attempting to form a friendship. That way everyone knows what to expect, and there will be no threatened feelings or accusations of infidelity in the future.
No Rehashing the Past…
Make it a point to avoid past relationship analysis when you are with your ex. If you feel that there are issues that need to be dealt with from the former relationship, discuss them with a counselor, a therapist, or even just with a friend who will respect your privacy.
Talking about your past relationship with the very person who shared it with you, takes the focus off the friendship and puts it back on the former love relationship. Perhaps, after a healthy period of time has passed, you and your new friend can talk over some of the issues you faced in the past when the two of you were dating. But not for a while yet.
Turn Down the Heat…
If either of you finds that you are struggling to move past feelings that are more than friendly, or are unable to completely squelch desire when you are in each other’s company, it is time for some space.
It’s not completely unheard of for people to get back together and have long and fulfilling relationships after taking some time off. But it isn’t healthy to view your new friendship as a waiting period before the sparks can fly again. If you are feeling passionate stirrings, back off and take some time to evaluate your true motivations and desires.
We hope this has provided you with some insight and guidance in seeking out a mature and functioning friendship with your ex. So good luck! We wish you both the best as you move on and seek out new and healthy futures for yourselves and your shared children. If your ex isn’t actually your ex yet, and you are still busy working through the issues of your divorce, call our skilled divorce attorneys at 866 766 5245. We are here to help!