Hello and welcome back. It’s been along road while we covered all aspects of how a couple recovers their relationship after one of them cheats. So far in this series we’ve looked at a variety of important things couples need to address from how to revive their romance, to the importance of being honest. But in this last section, we’d like to address one more very important relationship goal for couples trying to save their marriages after one of them cheats – setting aside time to be together!
Life is busy, but that shouldn’t be an excuse!
As lawyers, we know this as well as anyone! However, the sad truth is that many couples get caught up in their daily commitments and routines. They don’t even realize the person they claim to love more than anyone else has become their roommate. Someone they exchange snippets of information with as they pass in the hallway on the way to something else.
Time together is very important to the health of your marriage. And this couldn’t be more critical than for couples who are attempting to revive their relationships in the wake of a relationship catastrophe. If you want your marriage to thrive, not just survive, you’ll have to prioritize time together.
The squeaky wheel gets the oil…
We get it – it’s easy to let that slip. After all, everything else that consumes your time would result in an almost immediate chaos if you didn’t address those needs. Kids who don’t get fed, or driven to karate class, will let you know immediately if you’re too busy to meet their needs. A bill unpaid will get your cell phone shut off pretty quickly. And if you choose not to go to work because you were overwhelmed, your boss would be very quick to let you know how well that went over.
Children, work commitments, social events, and even regular responsibilities like bill paying and meal preparation take time out of each day, and we plan ahead for them. But your marriage is a silent thing, and cannot voice its needs in the way life’s other commitments can. You need to be decisive and proactive about it. After all, no one else is going to do it for you!
You have to schedule your time together, and then stick to it!
Talk to your spouse and figure out a regular time that you can set aside to be together. Daily is best, but you may need to make allowances for conflicting schedules, and days where you are both overcommitted. Try to pick a time when the kids are either out of the house or asleep, like early mornings or late evenings, to minimize interruptions. Also, be sure to turn off the TV and set aside your phones – it doesn’t count as together time just because you’re in the same room at the same time.
For couples who haven’t got much experience putting aside time to be together, this may feel forced and awkward at first. Don’t give up. With time, it will become normal, natural and very enjoyable to simply be together. Talking is good, but there will be days when one or both of you are too tired for involved conversation. In that case, be prepared for silent snuggles on the couch, or times when one does more talking and the other spends more time listening.
Saving a marriage after an affair requires constant commitment!
Remember, saving a relationship after an affair is extremely hard work. And for some couples, it’s simply too much. If that sound like your situation, and you don’t believe you can recover from the deceit, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our skilled family law attorneys have helped countless couples navigate their divorces over the years. We understand how emotional this situation can be, and we’re committed to providing our clients with the best and most aggressive representation available in Michigan!