If you follow the blog here on our mid-Michigan divorce website, then you’ve probably read several articles already on narcissism, and how incredibly destructive it is to both a marriage, and the divorce process. But what many people don’t realize is that just because you’re planning to divorce your narcissistic spouse, doesn’t mean there’s light at the end of the tunnel when it comes to getting away from them. (Unless you count that on-coming train!)
Narcissists can’t just “let go” and “move on”
Unfortunately, narcissists have trouble letting go of grievances. Because they see themselves as superior to others, and can’t accept being the one who gets ‘left’ by an unhappy spouse, if you initiate the divorce, they’re going to hold a grudge. And when a narcissist holds a grudge, they make you pay for your “crime” over and over, in as many ways as they can, for as long as possible. It can become a neverending nightmare!
If you initiated the divorce, you’re in for a very rough ride
Narcissists can’t let you “win”. If they feel that they’ve been slighted in any way by you, you’ll have to be punished. We’ve seen this time again in divorces in East Lansing, Ovid, Elsie, and Grand Ledge as well as all over Oakland County. So if you’re the one who initiated the end of your marriage, be prepared to fight a battle that will go on long after the divorce process is over. Even when it makes no sense to re-engage. Even when everyone benefits by just letting go and moving on, a narcissist simply can’t be done with it. Their super ego won’t let them. Their brains aren’t wired that way.
A narcissist will use any tool available to punish you
If you have children and you share custody or visitation, you better believe your ex will try to use them as weapons against you in and after the divorce. Whether that means alienating you from your children, falsely accusing you of child abuse or neglect, or taking you back to court again and again to modify the child custody or parenting time agreement so that it conflicts with what is most convenient for you. Your kids will become tools in the long war ahead. So be prepared. It doesn’t matter whether your divorce case is in Eaton County, Clinton County or in Ingham County. Same story in Jackson County, Ionia County and Barry County. A narcissist doesn’t discriminate based on geographic boundaries. Their nightmare tactics suck you back in whether you live 1 mile away, or 100.
It will be hard to get others to see what you see
Narcissists are master manipulators. They lie and cheat and twist the truth so that no one else can see them for what they really are. They discredit their victims, and spin reality to benefit themselves. So while you’re just trying to protect yourself and your kids, your spouse is charming the socks off the Ingham or Eaton County judge, the mediator, their attorney, and anyone else involved in the divorce process. They work hard to make themselves look like the victim, and you look like the bad guy. And they often succeed. Looking good is important to every narcissist. So pick your divorce attorney wisely. Because the truth is critical when you’re divorcing a narcissist.
Your divorce lawyer needs to know what’s really going on
If your spouse is a narcissist, you need to tell your divorce attorney right from the start. Because it will change their strategy when handling your divorce. They need to know there is going to be considerable conflict on the road ahead, so they can help you best navigate this nightmare field of landmines. If you live in Lansing, Charlotte, Okemos or Dewitt, and you want to divorce your narcissistic spouse, call 517 866 1000 right now to schedule your free initial consultation with an experienced divorce lawyer who understands exactly what you’re up against. Our family law attorneys have handled thousands of cases in Mid Michigan during the last quarter century. Lots of them have involved people with narcissistic traits. We can help you through this nightmare.