In the introductory article in this two part series, we talked about why there are certain people you need to avoid when you re-enter the dating world after a divorce. First on our list was Mr. Let-Me-Analyse-You, Mr. Playin’-The-Game, and Mr. Also-Recently-Divorced. Moving on (because that’s what you should do!) we are going to wrap it up with the last three guys on our list.
The fact that he and his ex are still close is often very appealing, and why wouldn’t it be? It means maturity, forgiveness, and personal growth, which are all characteristics that most people look for in a mate. So what’s the problem?
There is a difference between someone who maintains a friendship with their ex, and someone who can’t move on. If your new beau mentions his ex with frequency, takes her calls while you are together (for things that aren’t related to the kids) and goes to her for advice, then you would be better off packing your bags and leaving them. Because that’s obviously where he would prefer to be anyway.
Finding someone who is devoted to you can be very comforting, especially if your spouse was unfaithful, or dropped you like a hot potato when the going got tough. But there’s comforting, and then there’s creepy. So be sure that you can tell the difference.
While a jealous partner can make you feel safe and cared for, it is not the sign of a healthy mind. Someone who feels compelled to “protect” you from the advances of others, from possible emotional hurts, and from the world in general isn’t someone who knows how to play well with others. So if on the first date he offers to beat up your ex for hurting your feelings, run for the hills!
It was trendy for a while there for older women to date much younger men. Madonna and Jesus Luz, Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher, Robin Wright and Ben Foster. Don’t misunderstand, we’re not saying it’s not okay to date someone much older, or younger, than you. We’re just saying that if he pops up out of nowhere, complimenting you on being so much hotter and more experienced than his 20-something girlfriend, you should be wary.
There are some younger men for whom it is an interesting notch on the belt to be able to say that they dated (or simply slept with) a much older woman. Something to brag to his friends about. But something he wants to invest time and effort into. Fun? Probably. Commitment? Not so much. So unless you are alright with being a gouge in someone else’s bedpost, we suggest you keep looking.
We hope this list has been helpful for you. We understand that dating again after a divorce can be scary. You are struggling with vulnerabilities and old wounds, and the prospect of opening yourself to additional hurt can be very frightening. But you are strong, smart, and well equipped (especially since you just read this article!) So go get ’em!