Welcome back, and thanks for joining us again for our two part series on navigating marriage and divorce when your spouse is a narcissist. As we mentioned in the previous article, dealing with a narcissist makes everything harder. So trying to divorce one can be a recipe for disaster! As author Karyl McBride points out in her book, Will I Ever Be Free of You? How to Navigate a High-Conflict Divorce from a Narcissist and Heal Your Family, narcissists have to be dealt with differently than regular folks. So iIn this next segment we’ll be discussing what someone involved in a divorce from a narcissist is up against.
If you remember from last time, one of the points that McBride makes is that divorcing a narcissist is likely to be a lengthy project. Because narcissists experience their spouse’s desire for divorce as a personal “injury” aimed at them, they’re likely to seek revenge by making the process as painful and drawn out as possible. The goal would be to cause as much misery and pain for the person who slighted them. But revenge is not the only issue that you need to be aware of.
Narcissists want control, and they’ll play dirty to get it!
A person who is divorcing a narcissist is up against a lot more. For starters, a narcissist doesn’t get over a divorce in the same way that regular people do. The average person may be hurt and angry, and need time to process what’s happened before they move on. But a narcissist doesn’t move on. Instead, they remain in that same head-space, full of anger and rage and a desire for revenge. In many cases, this can last a lifetime.
Another point that McBride makes is to note the fact that narcissists can be very charming and likable when they want to be. As a result, attorneys, mediators, judges and even Friend of the Court workers can be fooled by them. Narcissists are very good at deceiving people into thinking they’re the “good” person, or the “victim,” and that you’re the “bad” one. McBride says there needs to be more training for those working within the court system, so that attorneys, therapists and family court workers aren’t so easily duped by narcissists.
Divorcing a narcissist when you have kids can be extremely traumatic!
Another major concern McBride raises is the issue of children. Kids are often emotionally traumatized by highly contentious divorces that drag out over long periods of time. In addition, narcissists are known for using their children as pawns during custody battles, to achieve their own ends. That means, if it suits their purposes to lie in order to alienate you, make false accusations of abuse against you, or even make veiled threats, they’ll do it in a heartbeat!
While we understand that the prospect of divorcing a narcissist can be very scary, we also know that anyone living in an abusive relationship isn’t going to be happy. Also, their children will suffer many problems and issues that could have been avoided by ending the marriage. So if you’re considering ending your marriage, but you’re afraid your narcissistic spouse is going to manipulate the situation to their own advantage, come and talk to us today.
You shouldn’t try to do this alone! Get help from experts who understand.
At The Kronzek Firm, our skilled family law attorneys have decades of experience handling contentious divorces, and understand the difficulties faced by those who are divorcing a person with a personality disorder. We’ve spent decades helping local Michigan families with all of their family legal issues, whether it’s divorce, custody, alimony, child support or CPS defense, and we’re here for you too. Call us today at 866-766-5245.