Planning To Marry Your Affair Partner? Not a Good Idea! (Part 2)

Hoping to marry your affair partner after the divorce? Wait up…


In the previous introductory article, we introduced the subject of affair partners, and why they often don’t make good marital partners. Yes, we understand that you two have so much fun together and really seem to ‘get’ each other, but there is more to a marriage than good sex and fun times. If you are only joining us now, we suggest you read this to get caught up on the reasons why this probably won’t work. But if you are coming back, let’s dive right in…


“Beware of creating tedium!” – Anthony Trollope

Partners in an affair don’t have to deal with the reality of daily life in a marriage. Things like mundane household chores, the stresses of raising kids, nursing various family members through an assortment of illnesses over the years, and the natural ups and downs that come with any relationship. Affairs, on the other hand, are full of exciting, secret meetings, stolen kisses and deceit. None of which looks like daily life in any way.


The person you are having an affair with is not going to stay the same after you marry them. Everything that makes the affair exciting and the relationship so appealing, cannot sustain itself over the years when faced with the daily grind. When fleeting moments of passion and brief but intense sexual encounters are all you have to base a marital relationship on, it is unlikely to last even in the short term.


“Strategic partnership is based on a shared set of values.” – Benito Aquino III

One of the many things that contributes to a successful marriage is shared history. Being able to reminisce with your partner about great times you had together can mean a lot (and this means more than just great times in the sack! After all, real life is more than just sex!)


Shared history can mean anything from a wine you both love that you discovered on a weekend trip away together, to a display of driftwood pieces you collected with your kids on the last family camping trip. A healthy marriage is like a coral reef – slowly but constantly growing to include a wide range of experiences and memories that bring you together.


Affair partners, on the other hand, tend to lack this shared history. They certainly have a shared sexual history, but it doesn’t often extend to include memories of the “warm and fuzzy” nature, which are a very important element in the glue that holds a couple together.


“Blaming others is an act of refusing to take responsibility” – Dee Dee Artner

Playing the blame game is a very common excuse for infidelity. After all, if you can convince yourself that the reason you were forced to seek out a new partner was because the former one wasn’t good enough, then you can effectively convince yourself that the reason your marriage failed was entirely their fault and not yours.


However, this only works as long as your former spouse is around to assume the mantle of failure in your eyes. Once they have left, who are you going to blame things on when you and your new partner encounter struggles? Suddenly you have no one to blame when confronted with relationship problems. Taking responsibility for our choices empowers us to recognize failures, and then learn from our mistakes.


Join us next time for the wrap up on this subject. Until then, remember that if you choose to go ahead and pull the trigger on the marriage to your affair partner, we advise you to get a prenuptial agreement. Just in case this doesn’t end up being everything you hope it would be. So whether you are preparing to end a marriage, or embarking on a plan to say “I do” with the person of your dreams, give us a call at 517-886-1000. Our skilled family law attorneys have decades of experience helping people all over mid-Michigan. We can help you too.