Porn and Divorce – Is It Really a Factor In The Equation?

Does looking at porn on the sly affect your marriage? Many divorce attorneys say yes!

 

Ask the average man what he thinks about pornography and, out of the earshot of his wife and/or mother, he’ll tell you it’s just something all guys do and it’s not an issue unless you make it one. In fact, with every passing month, more and more women are joining the ranks of the porn-tastic masses. After all, everyone’s doing it, right? Maybe…. But is it really okay from a relationship standpoint, or is there more to the issue than many of us realize?

 

In truth, there isn’t hard data to support direct links between use of porn and rising divorce rates. There are, however, LOTS of family law attorneys around the nation who will tell you that internet porn has become more and more of a factor in divorce in recent years. In fact, a survey taken a few years ago at an American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers conference shows that over 60 percent of lawyers believe that porn is directly connected to higher instances of divorce.

 

Which makes sense, when you think about it. Research has shown that frequent use of pornography becomes an addiction, and can be likened in strength to heroin or morphine addiction. This is because the chemicals released in the brain while viewing porn is similar to an addict’s brain chemistry while under the influence of certain drugs. According to Dr. Victor Cline, an experienced clinical therapist, author, consultant, and lecturer, kicking a porn addiction can be even harder than overcoming a cocaine addiction.

 

Is a porn addiction as hard to kick as a drug addiction?

 

Patrick Fagan, the Director of the Center for Research on Marriage and Religion, calls pornography a “marriage destroyer”, citing his research which shows that frequent use of pornography often leads to infidelity and divorce. This, he says, is due to a combination of factors.

 

First, addiction of any kind becomes consuming. It takes up substantial amounts of time and energy to “feed the beast”, as it were, which is time that could have been spent pursuing more productive things – time spent with your children, hobbies, work… you get the picture.

 

Secondly, there is the fact that the world in porn and the real world never have, and never will, line up. This is not to say that you and your partner cannot have a creative and fulfilling intimate relationship, but porn rarely if ever represents people accurately. Real life is far more complex, multilayered and demanding than the reality portrayed in a porn. Also, porn is a dangerous place to develop expectations. People and situations shown in porn are not realistic. And these unrealistic expectations always lead to disappointment and resentment.

 

In addition, there is always the risk of escalation. Like any “feel good” addiction, over time some people need more and more to maintain the high. While this certainly doesn’t apply to everyone, the reality is that you will never know if it applies to you until it’s too late. When “regular” pornography becomes commonplace and boring, people tend to look for newer and less mainstream types to maintain the excitement level. For some people this eventually leads to dangerous, and often illegal, territory.

 

Over the years, many sex offenders have cited the fact that porn played a role in their crimes. In most cases, by numbing them over time to harder and scarier types of porn, until eventually nothing really excited them anymore, and they were forced to switch over from just “watching” to “doing” in order to maintain the excitement.

 

We are not trying to tell you not to watch porn. Obviously, pornography is legal in the state of Michigan (as long as everyone involved is a consenting adult) and it’s entirely your choice. However, as attorneys who handle a lot of divorces, we make note of certain trends, and we would like to share those observations with our readers in the hopes that they will be helpful.

 

With that in mind, if you’re looking to build a marriage based on trust and mutual respect, you may consider the many mental health and relationship experts who have seen the same trend we have. If, however, your marriage is no longer a viable option for your future and you believe it’s time to move on, please call our skilled family law attorneys at 866 766 5245. We are here to help you, whatever the reason for your divorce.

 

Testimonials

Stephanie and Alesha is the best attorney and secretary ever. She was very very patient with me and very through with my case. She is understanding and realistic and reasonable. I would highly recommend her!

Jessica on Facebook, 2017