Recovering After a Toxic Marriage? Keep These Tips in Mind (Pt 2)

A close up of a venomous green snak, coiled up on a branch - a symbol of toxic things we're taught to avoid.
Like venomous snakes, poisonous mushrooms and toxic bugs, we’re taught to avoid things that can harm us, but with relationships it can be harder to tell.

Hey there, thanks for coming back and hanging out with us for this discussion on recovering after a toxic marriage. Whether you’re in the middle of a difficult divorce or the relationship ended years ago and you’re still trying to find your feet, we understand this can be a challenging time. As we mentioned in the previous article, the two most important things you need to do now is talk kindly to yourself (because you deserve it!) and refuse to allow them to keep poisoning you. But surely there’s more to it than that? Absolutely. Here goes…

Find healthy ways to process your pain and rage

You probably have a lot of anger, sadness and confusion left over from that toxic marriage. That’s perfectly normal. But what matters most is how you choose to work through these feelings. Burying your emotions and refusing to process them is harmful and will end up coming back to bite you in the future. Same goes for using drugs or alcohol to mask your feelings. So what can you do to process all those painful memories and rage-inducing associations in a healthy way?

There are lots of things you can do, and while none of them are going to feel good in the moment, they’re all part of the healing process. These include seeing a therapist, taking long walks with a friend (where you can also talk things through), journaling, writing bad poetry, running (endorphins help you feel good!), yoga, kickboxing (anything that helps you feel powerful and strong is a good thing) and making art. There are loads of other things you can do to keep you busy and channel your feelings in a positive way is a great start!

Pursue healthy relationships

We’re not saying you should rush out and start dating. You may not feel ready for that just yet, and that’s okay. But what you do need is to pursue healthy relationships with people who value you, help you, make you feel good about yourself, and hold you accountable when you’re making crappy choices. Good, healthy friendships will help when you’re feeling fragile, or your post-toxic marriage PTSD kicks in. They’ll also provide fun ways to stay busy so you don’t dwell on negative thoughts.

Another things healthy friendships will do, if you have kids, is help to model what good relationships look like. Your children would have been negatively impacted by both the divorce and the toxic relationship that came before it. Providing them with examples of healthy friendships and loving relationships will go a long way towards helping them move past the unhealthy example set by your ex. So do yourself (and your kids, if you have any) a favor, and surround yourself with good people! 

Divorcing a toxic person can be a major battle!

Getting out of an abusive marriage requires a support system of knowledgeable people who understand the risks, the law, and your rights. That’s where we come in. While our advise will never replace that of a trained therapist, when it comes to divorces we know what you’re up against because we’ve helped many people get out of toxic relationships. We know what you’re entitled to, and how difficult this is going to be – both emotionally and legally. 

So if you’re in an abusive marriage and you’re ready to pull the plug, or your divorce was over long ago but you need help with modifying a custody agreement that involves a toxic ex, call 866 766 5245 today. Our skilled and experienced family law attorneys are available 24/7 to help you with every aspect of this process. We know it’s sary, but you don’t have to do this alone.