Just about anything in life comes with some kind of rules in order to keep it from falling into total chaos. Schools have rules to keep kids safe and focused on their work. Relationships (at least, healthy ones) have rules in order to protect people from unnecessary emotional pain. And communities have rules governing people’s behavior and interactions with each other. So why should divorces be different? 

The truth is, we don’t think they should. Divorces, like so many other emotionally charged situations, can spiral out of control very quickly. When you consider what’s on the line, and how much history and emotional baggage is attached to the marriage, it makes sense. Which is why a basic set of rules is so important. These are ours:

Rules to make your divorce process easier for you:

1. Don’t pick fights with your spouse

You might be super mad. You might hate them, and have a thousand angry things you want to say. (And you may be completely justified in those feelings.) But now isn’t the time. Picking fights with your ex isn’t going to help you reach a better divorce agreement, or sort out a better custody agreement for your kids. It won’t get you more alimony, or speed the process up in any way. 

But more importantly, it won’t make the process any easier or less stressful for you in the long run. It might feel good in the moment to unload all the rage you’ve been carrying around in your head, but it won’t be well received by your spouse. And since they’re involved with every step of this process right alongside you, it would be wise to make the process as painless as possible for yourself. So if you have a lot of things to work through, share them with your friends or get a therapist. But don’t pick fights with your spouse!

2. Try to be as fair as possible

You might be very angry with your spouse, and you may (very justifiably) feel that they owe you something. (Especially if your marriage is ending because of their choices or behaviors.) But trying to milk them for everything they’re worth isn’t going to serve you in the long run. It could even backfire on you down the road. (If the judge thinks you’re out for blood it can paint you in a very bad light and end with your spouse being awarded more than their share of the assets!)

If you believe you’re owed something, or that you have a right to something after the marriage is over, talk to your attorney. Don’t get into screaming matches with your spouse about what they “owe” you. And don’t try to “get revenge” on them by taking more than your fair share of the marital assets. Again, if the judge thinks you’re being unreasonable, it can end up backfiring on you, and you could end up with even less than you need or should have.

3. Keep your kids best interests at heart

Your children didn’t ask for this, and they’re going to struggle as much as you are (if not more) with the changes that divorce brings. So don’t lose sight of their needs in the mix. Never use a child as a pawn to get what you want in a divorce, and don’t suggest certain parenting time or custody schedules simply to inconvenience your spouse.

Your children need your love and patience and devotion right now. What they don’t need is more conflict, or to feel like their parents are more interested in spiting one another than loving them. They are going to need extra support during this difficult time, so keep their emotional and physical needs at the forefront. Investing extra time in their well being now will pay dividends in the future, both for them and for you!

Make sure you get good help throughout this difficult process!

There are many ways you can reach out and get help during this time. Support from friends and loved ones, and counselling for you and your children could be very good ideas right now. However one form of support that will be invaluable is a good family law attorney. A skilled and compassionate divorce lawyer can make all the difference in the outcome of your divorce. So call The Kronzek Firm right now at 866 766 5245 and get the right help from the right people. We’re here 24/7 to help you throughout this challenging process, and into a brighter future.