Welcome back and thanks for joining us again for this discussion on living with your ex after the divorce. Not because you want to, of course, but because you don’t have any choice – the finances simply don’t allow the two of you to part ways just yet. However, challenging as this time in life may be, there are ways to make it work if you are both willing to be reasonable and do your part.
If you’re only just joining us now, you may want to spend a minute catching up before moving on. For the rest of you, you already know that money needs to be separated and chores need to be divided, but that’s not all – privacy and boundaries are going to major issues that need to be addressed up front as well.
Respecting each other’s privacy is important!
When two people live together as roommates, they need to respect one another’s privacy or the living arrangement doesn’t work. No one likes to live in a house where they feel like they can’t trust their housemate. So here are the fact: You and your ex are no longer married. You no longer have the right to know what they’re doing in their free time, and they no longer have the right to invade your privacy or demand the details of your private life.
After a divorce, people go their separate ways and create new, independent lives for themselves. This should be NO DIFFERENT for exes who choose cohabitation after divorce. It may be harder to readjust your thinking on this subject, because you have such a complex history together, but try to think of one another other as roommates. You wouldn’t go snooping through your roommate’s bedroom, or read their email without permission. So you shouldn’t do it to your ex either. The more effort you both make to respect each other’s privacy, the more successful your time living together will be.
Setting boundaries is the only way you’ll survive this
When you and your spouse were married, you shared a lot of intimacy that you probably took for granted. Leaving your clothes on the bathroom floor, roaming around the house in your underwear, or even using the bathroom while they were in the shower are all common aspects of that relationship. But you’re not married anymore, and you can’t act that way now.
If you and your spouse want to heal and move on, despite the living arrangements that you’re both forced to live with, you need to establish some boundaries. You need to think of your ex as a roommate. Not your ‘best buddy from college roommate.’ Rather, the dorm roommate you didn’t choose, and had to live with for a time. Remember, they’re no longer your partner, and no longer your lover. So put on some pants, put a lock on your bedroom door, and make a point of never, ever giving in to the urge to snoop through their things while they’re out. After all, boundaries go both ways.
Every divorce is unique and you may need help to work through it.
Join us next time, as we wrap it up with the final two issues that ex’s need to address if they’re going to live together successfully after divorce. Until then, if you or a loved one are considering divorce, or need help with your personal protective orders or premarital agreements, call The Kronzek Firm at 866 766 5245. Our highly skilled and experienced family law attorneys are available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, to help you when you need it most.