Why Abused Spouses go Back to Their Abusers (Pt 1)

A close up of a woman's eye, with a tear trickling down her cheek and bruising around her eye.
An abused spouse often can’t just leave, despite the fact that they are in danger.

It’s a question that countless people have asked, more times than you can imagine – why would you stay with someone who hurts you? And even more confusing, why would you go back to someone who abuses you, after you finally got free? To people who’ve never been in an abusive relationship, it simply doesn’t make sense. After all, if putting your hand in the oven results in a painful burn, logic would suggest not putting your hand in the oven again, right? Simple. And yet it’s not that simple.

The effects of abuse go way beyond the physical.

When you think of an abusive spouse, you tend to think of someone who hits or assaults their partner. Slapping, kicking, punching, choking, and other forms of physical violence are all common in physically abusive relationships. But you need to keep in mind the fact that not all forms of abuse are physical. Emotional, psychological, and sexual violence are all also common, and don’t leave the marks associated with an abusive partner. But they are no less damaging. And the effects of abuse – any kind of abuse – go way beyond the bruises.

Victims of abuse suffer from low self-esteem.

People who are routinely, or even occasionally, abused by their partners tend to suffer from low self-esteem. Once your sense of self-worth has been eroded, it can feel impossible to start over. Also, people with low self-esteem who are victims of abuse are often led to believe that the abuse is what they deserve and that no one else would have them, or offer them anything different. This kind of hopelessness can make it very hard to leave an abusive relationship.

Fear of the consequences can also play a role in not leaving.

For some people, the abuse they suffer is so frightening, and their partners have threatened them with further violence if they don’t follow orders or conform, and so they live in fear. For these victims, the fear of what might happen if they try to leave is paralyzing and they can’t bring themselves to run the risk. Knowing that your spouse may try to hunt you down and hurt you badly, or even kill you, is enough to keep most people trapped in a cycle of violence they can’t escape.

Divorce is a very difficult process when your marriage is abusive

Filing for divorce is hard when your marriage isn’t abusive – can you imagine how much harder it must be for someone who is regularly subjected to violence and abuse? The entire process becomes so much more frightening and overwhelming when the person you’re trying to leave is violent or abusive. Here at The Kronzek Firm, our compassionate and hard working family law attorneys know what you’re up against. We can help you through every aspect of this process, while also working with your need for safety and security during and even after the process. Call 866 766 5245 today to get help from the people who know what you’re really up against.

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