Welcome back and thanks for joining us. We’ve been talking about your narcissistic ex and why they’re such a mean-spirited butt-head during the holidays. Specifically, what it is about their narcissism that makes it okay in their own heads to treat you and your kids horribly during the holidays. In the previous article we looked at a couple of reasons why a narcissist would go out of their way to make their own children’s holiday time miserable, namely their lack of empathy and their overriding need to be the center of attention.
The fact that it’s the holidays means nothing to your narcissistic ex.
But those aren’t the only reasons narcissists are rotten exes around the holidays. There are a whole host of reasons why a person with narcissistic personality disorder acts the way the do, and none of them are good. It may be hard to understand, but there really are reasons behind the madness. They just might not make any sense to you, since you probably have a heart…
- Narcissists don’t feel a sense of obligation
You know that feeling? The one that says, “Well, I don’t really want to do this, but I know it’s the right thing to do>”. (As a parent you’re probably all too well acquainted with that sentiment!) But a narcissist isn’t. They don’t feel the weight of obligation. They live only to serve themselves, to make themselves happy and to meet their own needs. Other people are there solely to be used in the process of achieving whatever it is that makes them feel good, or gets them what they want. So that part of your brain which allows you to put your own desires aside in order to make sure that your kids have a magical holiday experience, or to ensure that your family’s needs are met over the holidays doesn’t exist inside a narcissist’s mind. It simply isn’t there. So don’t expect them to be anything other than self-serving this holiday season (or any other holiday season, for that matter!)
- They might have found an alternate “supply”
Just like a drug addict, the narcissist needs their “supply” to function. The “narcissistic supply” refers to the source of adulation, admiration, attention, fear, respect, or affirmation that a narcissist needs to feel valued and worthy. Without it they simply can’t exist (and they become extremely cruel and sadistic when their supply is cut off!) Since the divorce, because you’re no longer the source of their supply, they’ve had to look elsewhere. So it’s likely your ex will have found another supply (a new partner perhaps, or a new circle of adoring friends). Obviously the new supply trumps the old one, so you and your kids shouldn’t be surprised when the holiday plans you made with your ex get abandoned without warning in favor of time spent with the new supply. And if your kids are heartbroken, well, who cares? Not your narcissistic ex…
Co-parenting with a narcissist is extremely challenging!
While parenting can be hard, and co-parenting after divorce presents a whole world of extra frustration, co-parenting with a narcissist has got to be one of the worst experiences a divorced person can endure. Your ex is likely to spend huge amounts of energy fighting about the custody agreement, not showing up for their scheduled time with the kids (while finding ways to blame you for it, and trash-talking you to your kids. It’s the pits. But here at The Kronzek Firm, our skilled and experienced family law attorneys have spent decades deal with every aspect of their divorces, including when the person on the other end of that equation is a selfish, abusive dumpster fire. We know what you’re up against, and we can help. Just call 866 766 5245 right now, and schedule your free consultation.